Today I feel like writing a letter to him because I miss him towards the end of my day and it is without a reason. So here it goes:
Hey, today I suddenly miss you a lot and I look back at our conversations which is now buried under a list of channels which are quite redundant. It was wonderful and sweet to reminisce the way we interacted and I smiled at most of the contents. The last photo of you was the one in the white shirt and ripped jeans and you looked really handsome and charming. Of course I clicked onto your profile wondering if you have any new photos uploaded or if there's any new status. I found that the hearts in my favorite colors were no longer there and it has revert back to the original. It is good and it reminded me of the time when I first got to know you, that was your status. I'm glad that you are removing traces of me in your life because I always believe that the block you have in getting your dream relationship is because you keep too much of the past memories as a collection and it is sending a message to the universe that you are not letting them go thus the one that is made of you couldn't appear because you did not make space for her (I know you disagree because you love to collect memories, experiences and feelings and you would probably debate that you have unlimited space). Even so, I do respect the choices you made for yourself as only you know what is best for you and you should continue following your intuition.
I am honored that my favorite colors were once in your status and I want to thank you for always making me feel important and the best (not second best). Just like I did my best to put you first although at time I know you didn't feel first best because I have a husband. I didn't tell you the complete prayer I made during my birthday. Other than praying for your wellbeing, I also prayed for you to find the relationship you want and prayed for our karmic bonds to be eternally severed. My heart shattered when I made that prayer because it means that there won't be another lifetime for us and I did thought it through before making such an irrevocable request. I know I used to tell you, in the next life time let's be together even though I am not sure will there be another lifetime (I'm sorry for being so irresponsible in giving you promises I cannot keep). Back then I often believe that if we were supposed to be together, even in this lifetime before we leave this place, we would eventually be united. It may sound very insane and illogical but well Love does make a person go a little cuckoo I guess. I accept that I will always remember you and you will always remember me as long as our brain functions are intact but at least let's not have anymore karmic bonds. I would think that once we have learnt our lessons, the bond will automatically break and we sort of level up because it was a test we had to pass on earth (our encounter was a form of tribulation). However just to make sure, I think by praying it is to ensure that with the help of divine intervention our karmic bonds is guarantee to dissolve completely and we will never need to go through the same test again.
Having out ties severed does not mean that I Love you lesser or I don't Love you, it just means that I care for you deeply and want the best for you like I always do. You know what, we did in the end part peacefully as Lovers. Before that we often contemplate which was better, to part as lovers or to remain friends. I often think it is possible to remain friends but then again how do I suppress the feelings of Love between a man and a woman when I am with you? I had a taste of how that feeling felt and it is really hard to revert it to just friends. Remember the fickle mindedness I had when I kept asking you to leave and to transition and yet I was lamenting about why you did not tuck me in like you used to? I still remember how frustrated you were and told me that you withdraw your care so that you can move on because that was what I wanted. I was at a loss of words when you highlighted that point and I know I couldn't just shift to the position of a friend in such a short duration of time. However do know that when I told you I will be happy for you and you can tell me when you found the one, I really meant it with all my heart.
Since we no longer communicate, it feels like I am living in a different world and you are in a different world. It is impossible to reach out to one another and like we always say we can only keep each other in our hearts. I no longer ask for other people's opinion about us because only we comprehend what happened and having very similar personalities I think I understand you. I know you are a good person with good values and principles. Both of us just fell in Love at the wrong time and it was so natural that we did not consciously realize it. Most of our interaction had occurred at a subconscious level which led to so many coincidences. Whenever we were conscious, we are often back to the transition phase because we know we cannot be together. That led to the ups and downs in our interaction - yes, a turbulent one indeed.
Okay I think that is all for now. Oh, Tampines Eco Green is such a beautiful place, I think it must be wonderful to go there for a stroll. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you! Take care and always be S Grade YH <3
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