Sweetie's World

As long as we never meet, we will always be able to keep our friendship. Yes, this is the conclusion I have made. I think it would be pretty awkward to meet. Our cultures are slightly different, and it would be really daunting to communicate in real life. At least with distance apart and with the aid of the internet, I could still Google certain words he say which I do not understand. Example I learned a few words like 凉飕飕，一语成谶， 又双叒叕 and many more. It is really fun learning and talking to him but I think it is because I have the time to slowly learn and digest the words I learn. Our conversation would be dysfunctional if we were to meet and speak, and I don't want to feel less coherent. Half a year, and I have used up the 1000 yuan I topped up in my WeChat wallet. I stopped myself from topping up so that I would not have the impulse to send him red packets. I know my capacity and limitations. Besides, I do not want him to feel like I am paying him to be my friend. That really is pa...

I haven't calculated how many red packets I have sent him, and I'm sending one now as a money transfer, since the upper limit for red packets on WeChat is 200 (or perhaps I don't know how to adjust it). No, he is not a scammer, nor does he say anything improper. Knowing his background gave me the impulse to want to be his fairy, genie, or whatever that could make his life better. His life is wonderful as he is living his dream, cycling around his country and enjoying various picturesque sceneries and food. He do not at all exude any lack and he gives me the impression of being contented.  However, his eyes are really blank. It felt lifeless. No matter how much I tried to look at his eyes from the photos he post on his social media, I just felt it was lacking of passion and spirit. It really didn't match his kind easy-going nature that he portrayed. When I asked my friend to take a look at his photo, I got the same feedback - his eyes is empty. Sometimes I do wonder why ...

 Today I feel stuck again, just like how I used to feel trying to forget someone trying to wash away memories that no longer bring me happiness but sadness. Perhaps it is because today is also III’s birthday (coincidentally same day as the birthday of my Love one). I don’t know why I have to think of him and the times we played Gunbound together and he taught me how to use Beetleking. I’m back to thinking about what could have been if I did not play Gunbound with him. I definitely will have less sadness. I think I just cannot understand the part where he just ignored me. I have told myself over and over again there is nothing to understand, just move on. Thanks to him I no longer befriend anyone online after that. The friends I have online are the ones I know prior to knowing him and he taught me a good lesson to never invest too much time and energy into online friendships.  I can’t tell this to anyone because it’s an internal war within me. There is also no point in sharing ...

 A tragedy took place a few months back. Our beloved golden retriever passed away at a young age. She was only 5 years old on 23rd January this year, and we were just saying how she gave us 5 beautiful years. I really thought we could have another 5 beautiful years or more. However I am used to deaths and parting and goodbyes so I know I can overcome the emptiness I feel and time heals. Sadly I couldn't say the same for my brother and his wife because they spent all their time with her at home and she is part of them. Both of them work from home everyday and the joy of being at home mainly revolves around Ginger their beloved pet/ daughter. Yup, both of them treated her as their baby daughter as they do not have any children and I think Ginger have the best life a pet could ever have.  I think I will never have a pet ever again after losing 3 pets in a span of 1 year. However I could not deny that pets bring a lot of joy and comfort and perhaps the price of losing them is not ...

 I think I would have preferred if  Three is being removed from the group and I do not have to see his presence anymore because it doesn't give me a happy feeling to see him. I wish the group could be back to how it was before Three was in it. Actually he was in it before and was removed and I joined later than him. I do regret the time I talk to the admins to take him back and since then he have not done anything annoying enough to get kicked from the group. I just don't want to see him at all. Yesterday he tagged teacher in the group for a red packet and I think I do feel a little jealous about it. Three used to tag me when we were friends and until this day I despise the feeling of him not saying anything and just ignoring me which pushed me to delete him. I hate him.  I noticed that ever since I started doing task on GunboundM it takes a lot of my time or perhaps I no longer enjoy it the way I used to. I like playing score as I love the interactions with my partner. I...

 Okay I’m so excited the whole day about my achievement that I am so tired right now and I want to get to bed stat!  My parents sat in the car without any complaints about my driving today and it was the first time they allow me to drive them for approximately one and a half hours!  Teacher seems distant today but I am okay with that. I’m so looking forward to drive my parents to the main town next time. I hope they let me. I feel super empowered!