Sweetie's World

 1957 was the year Malaysia gained independence and was thought to be a land filled with natural resources and richness. Sadly look where are we today? Especially among the South East Asian countries, we are quite left behind. Every year on National day, I feel less and less patriotic because of the circumstances and how the country has become. It is already 2024 yet we still get the same news of students who performed well did not get admission to local universities because of the quota system. Our healthcare system is crumbling and government healthcare workers are severely underpaid yet we often boast to be a hub for medical tourism. There is no tolerance for other faiths, but we are expected to show lots of tolerance to the national religion. I still feel very disturbed by loud sounds (not about which religion but any religion that broadcast via speakers in my view is causing noise pollution) in the morning and sometimes I wish we could just be like China where religion can be prac

 So this will be my 200th post in like so many years! I thought of writting something special but nothing out of the norm happened today. In fact the day is so normal that I wish every day could just be like today. However I am rather proud of myself to not have played any PVP games in Gunbound today or approximately 24 hours and I am having no signs or symptoms of game withdrawal.  Woke up at 630am since I promised my friend to go for a jog and it sort of drizzle but I continued with my plans. Took a 6Litre bottle along to get filtered water. It was already 710am when I step out of the door. Manage to do 5.4KM in 40minutes and then proceed to do fun exercise by Will Liu, somehow I really feel the burn in my thighs doing his exercises. The music is catchy and I Love it everytime he says “就是这样，你做得很棒，继续加油!” I feel motivated and since it is so much fun I felt like my surroundings do not exist and I just focused on the exercise. So that was 30 minutes and by the time I checked my phone it

I think after doing so many exam practice questions, I found that the key to success is repetition. Keep doing past years and single best questions; eventually, there is a pattern to it. The only frustrating part is that as an adult I could not concentrate for long. My mind is everywhere, particularly I think I am suffering from some game addiction. Gunbound mobile had been a huge portion of my life since I passed my primary exams and I sort of have to play it daily to feel complete. I do mute group chats related to the game but curiosity got the better of me and I still scroll those chats which is time-consuming. I know I have a very strong willpower and once I set my mind to something, nothing can convince me to change my mind. The only thing that has been unsuccessful for the past few months was my weight management, I gained 4kgs! I think 4kgs is sufficient to trigger me to regular exercise and after just 1 week of consistent exercise, I dropped 1kg which is probably due to water w

最近认识了一个很有趣的人，刚开始就觉得人没那么友善，就是有点冷漠不想多聊的感觉。可是后来不懂如何就有很多话聊。他还让我练了我游戏里的黑茶，教了我有关游戏的战术。最让我刮目相看的是他懂得玄学。还有，对某些事比方说疫苗的看法都和我一致。真的很难得可以找到一个和我一样反对新冠疫苗的人。而且他还介绍了我倪海厦老师的视频，里面说的都和我的想法一摸一样。 我知道不能随意和网上认识的人深交或透露自己的私事，可是我一张头像和左手掌心的照片就让他分析了我大约是个怎样的人。他果然会面相学，掌相学，所以他发给我的照片是四分之一的脸都给手机遮了。我觉得他是在隐藏自己的面相吧。  其实我有点担心拍手掌照，因为手掌能看见指纹，而指纹如果被复制了就真的很危险。他有叫我拍个左手的视频因为他说要看掌相不能平面图看，要有立体的图因为必须观察凹凸的地方。这我也没什么知识但是到最后我没拍视频寄给他看因为我真的不清楚会不会有危险。我们也因为聊了这些掌相的事就耽误了他睡觉时间。他也让我比较有信心和中国人沟通，因为他问我“你一直都在国外长大的吗？”。我真的想把我的中文学好，这样不会再被群里的人说我用翻译器 （其实我都没有用翻译器，可是他们说我的中文很“硬”）。考试快点过去吧，我很想去旅行，很想学玄学，很想好好向中国朋友学华语。  对了，我才和以上的人聊两次的话，尽然聊嗨了！哈哈，这也是我学习的新词，就是英文翻译过来的“high”，指的是一起聊很开心，很过瘾。

  Sometimes I wonder if I am the same person after going through different life experiences. Do I get over things and return back to my old self or I lost some of my old self and become an improvised version of me. Actually I do not know as I am still embarrassed by some of the behaviour I have exhibited previously and the now me would really love to visit that silly me and give her a dose of reality or at least talk her out of wasting time being sad about people who never cared. I definitely Love the current me, the balanced and wholesome me. The me who has a smile on because I am happy and content internally and not being a beggar depending on others to feel happy. I am not denying my past, it is just that I can’t believe I am so gullible and trusting and in the end all I could remember was being “discarded”. Yup, that was how I felt and it helped me to see things clearly. I think I am easily attached and think highly of everyone, valuing relationships without letting them go through

 这几天好多事情发生在我身上。有时，我觉得自己还没睡醒，一切都是一场梦。我做的梦有美好的也有噩梦。八月四号我尽然人生第一次没登机，理由是我去错登机口，因为我没有检查好我的航班号。刚巧当晚有两班飞机就是飞回吉兰丹， 我发现我在错的登机口时，已经太迟了，飞机起飞了。那家航空也真是TMD都没有报我的名字，若是有宝的话我也不会没登机。这也是我人生第一次一个人想办法要如何回去吉兰丹因为我隔天还得上班。幸好科技发达，我很快就学习如何搭轻快铁到巴士站然后赶紧的用手机里的软件买了巴士票。那晚的心情真的很糟，想哭也哭不出来，想骂也只能骂自己。 我当然在巴士上是睡不着的，隔壁的叔叔一直和我说话我就一直敷衍他，因为我整个脑子一直都不相信我有那么粗心。我坐了八个小时的巴士，我屁股都快要开花了！回到我房间，我就马上洗澡准备上班。我记得我很累，躺了半个钟，真的很舍不得离开我的床。没办法，挣钱重要所以还是乖乖的去上班。我和一些朋友诉说了我错过航班，可是因为都是过去的事，我还笑着分享我难忘的经验。那天我一直渴望晚上九点的到来因为那是我下班的时间。 在我很得意的走出更衣室，我发现我家钥匙不在我包包里。我一时慌了，没有钥匙要怎么回家呢？我很努力的找，也问了同事们，甚至回家检查会不会是我把钥匙还插在锁头里。那晚我很难过因为我知道自己很累很想在自己的床上抱着熊熊和皮卡丘睡觉。我也向天求救，也抱着很大的期望我醒来后钥匙会出现在我眼前。还有，最尴尬的事是我的同事载了我回家找钥匙再载我回医院，她就是之前和丈夫闹起来时找我的同事 (我有一直拒绝她载我可是她还是很坚持，她是个善良的人吧，可我还是觉得她嫁错人）。  迅速把故事讲完，我隔天问了洗衣部门可是他们说没有。我只好请了师傅开我的锁，可是他开不到还准备了电锯说得据开我的锁头。就在关键时刻我电话响了，原来洗衣部门找到了我的钥匙。虽然钥匙圈不见了，我认得出是我的钥匙因为三把都不一样的形状。我和那位师傅说了对不起，付了一半的费用给他（我说给他一半钱时，样子好像有点委屈的感觉，可是我问了两次他可以接受我一半的付费吗，他自己亲口说可以还点点头），然后又马上赶回医院拿钥匙。反正我就是赶上赶下的，累死我了！  接下来我花了四十八小时来恢复精神，昨天也开始做运动，跑了五公里。若我需要倒霉，就现在倒霉吧，因为我考试时需要很多很多的好运和上天的扶持。我真的很期待考试快点过完，我快点

今天我出乎预料又上台了，是为了拿奖。我拿了第一名。哎，想起昨天哭得唏哩哗啦的也觉得自己也太傻了！可是我真的很压力我真的很累我昨天真的很沮丧很崩溃。 我也很想老公能在我感到很脆弱的时候可以陪伴我，因为只有他说的话能让我平复心情。 我还是很依赖他虽然他要我做个独立的女人，可是我真的做不到。  昨天真的不懂能再找谁来聊聊，一直掉泪睡不着觉。结果上网玩游戏就遇到网友，和他聊了我的事他就劝我不要内耗。其实“内耗”这个词我一点都不熟悉，可是认识了这个词，我觉得很适合去形容我。 我就是一个消耗了自己很多时间和情绪的人。本来我以为自己进步了可是最近的压力让我极速退步，让我天天怀疑自己的能力和智慧。  我可以脱离这些负面的状态吗？考试要到了， 我不能再犯我昨天犯的错。今晚成绩揭晓前，我也一直认为我可能是第三名或拿了个安慰奖，哪知道我拿了第一名。我呀，要更爱自己，更相信自己！ 最重要的要相信天真的对我很好！ Thank You for all the Divine intervention!

 恐惧是我最不会处理的感受，我不喜欢在大众面前说话可是我经常都控制好自己的情绪，不让别人发现我其实很害怕。 今天我做不到，也许是过度操劳或者是心态问题，我的手很明显的在抖。我是个敏感的人，今天的观众也不是很善良，感觉都在嘲笑我紧张的样子。 可能是我自己多想了，反正今天的经验我以后都不想再面对。  宝宝去了老师的大树屋居住，也许也没信号，我给他的简讯都没通过。 我相信宝贝会懂得安慰我，因为我还是安慰不了自己。 刚才和上师描述我很难过差点哭了。就一直深呼吸把眼睛张大希望眼泪不要落下。 后来就赶快逃回酒店大哭了一场。以为哭了以后会感觉舒服点可是心情还是很低落。我为什么没控制思想、心态和情绪？ 我今天对我自己感到万分的失望，这真的是我吗？