The latest book I am reading now is entitled 心有多简单，就有多自由 （The simpler is your heart, the more freedom you have) by 何权峰. I was first attracted to the book because of it's cover where it illustrates a dog chasing after a bee with bubbles at the background. Initially I thought it must be a book about dogs but it turns out to be a self-help book, the kind that is similar to chicken soup for the soul. I personally like the book a lot as it is positive and there are a few colorful pages with lots of subheadings so that I can leisurely read each section. However it surprised me to know that my colleague who bought the book didn't really like it and told me I can keep it if I want to. I asked another colleague if she finds the book nice and her respond was "it is a type of book where you would pick up at some days and at some day you just do not feel like reading it". To summarize they feel the book has too much of positivism and my consultant added that “You can't be positive at all times". I wondered if this is true or is it because we are thought that keeping positive at all times is not practical?
I can understand we experience multiple emotions and each emotions are essential in order to understand the opposite of that particular emotion. If one is never sad how could one understand happiness? However emotions and keeping positive are 2 different things. Example, I was sad to know my dad's CT scan of the brain showed multifocal old infarcts but I do not have to dwell on it and stay sad. Instead I should feel thankful that it is just multiple small vessel disease and the larger vessels are still doing fine. I should also not reprimand him of his lifestyle but encourage him to move towards a better lifestyle and use positive sentences to comfort him. Instead of "you know its gonna be costly if you get a major stroke and become a vegetable requiring a care taker", I could say "let's be thankful that you are able to go on with your activities of daily living and let's make some adjustment to ensure you live a robust life". Even if I stay sad, the damage to those vessels have been done. I just wish mom could be more relaxed and less stressed out about his condition. Come to think of it, in the end of the day every individual is responsible for their own health and wellbeing. As family, our role is just to support and advice, the rest is still up to the person.
Both my mom and dad have personalities that lean more towards the negative side. Example, they get worried unnecessarily, I think this trait is tiresome. I have experienced what is it like to worry and I do not like this emotion at all. Mom has lots of wrinkles from constant worrying and it often make me wonder how could she worry so much if she is constantly praying to God (Mom become quite religious as she aged and it sometimes makes me uncomfortable when she try to impart her believes on me). I tried to tell her that if she had so much faith in God, then she shouldn't even be worrying. The things my parents worry about is mainly me and my brother and I really do not know how else to alleviate their worries.
Oh no, I just remembered I was supposed to speak to the gynecologist today to enquire on the procedures involving check-ups for couples who wish to conceive. I totally forgot about it and I better remember on next Monday! I also forgot about calling up the pain clinic to check on what happened to a particular patient who had a complication but seems to default follow up. The reason I forget these things although they are important, is because I care but I do not worry about them. I do not worry whether my brother and sister-in-law will get their child or not, nor do I worry if the patient is going to press charges or make a report. Anyway these are things that I do hope get sorted out with time. If I am fertile, I pray that whatever fertility I have be transferred to my brother and sister-in-law because they are so ready to be parents. As for my patient, I will just assume for now that the reason he default is because he is doing better.
Where was I, oh yes, the book. I think the part I love the most is the part about not blaming others for your own emotions but to take responsibility on how you process your emotions. Quoting the book, someone may hurt you but you can choose whether or not to feel hurt.
"He hurt me" (fact)
"I feel hurt" (Result from opting to feel hurt)
So in conclusion, everything is within our control, only those with poor control experience the waves of emotions in their daily life. Maybe that is a phase some people go through before realizing that actually a life that lacks multiple emotions is much peaceful and calm.
Glad I came to this part of the book because yesterday I almost lost control of my emotions when one of the person I was gaming with got a little mad at me and posted our replay in the group with lots of negative comments. In the end I manage to not feel sad/upset about it and instead see the good in it.
1. He wants me to improve
2. There's still lots of kind people backing me up in the group
3. It is just a game and seeing it from his point of view, I can understand his frustrations but I am not responsible for his emotions
So yeah, this is the basic duty I have towards myself - I am responsible for my emotions!
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