This post may contain spoilers.
It has been a long time since the last I watched Netflix and during my break I watched an animated movie called “Leo”. I would highly recommend this movie as it offers a lot of life lessons and is a family friendly movie. I was a little worried when it started with a lot of singing as I do not fancy musicals (it is a musical by the way) but I should say the lyrics are creative and some even rhymes. Out of all the lyrics I liked the song “don’t cry” the most. I think this could be my motivational song for the remaining one year as a student. (I can only pass and must pass in one attempt!) I find being away from home is just so hard and every time I visit home for a break I just wish I could stay at home forever.
If Leo (he is the main character in the movie) were to talk to me I probably think he would tell me to be less harsh to myself and to be patient. To be truthful the last 365 days have gone by so fast and although I did achieve a lot of the goals I have set for myself, somehow the part where it involves my EQ didn’t seem to progress much. So what happened in the last 365 days?
- 2 months of cardiac anaesthesia rotation
- 1 month of neuroanaesthesia rotation
- 1 month of pain rotation
- ASPIRE course at Ipoh
- Neurocritical Care course in Kuching
- MSA in Kuching
- Advanced haemodynamic monitoring course
- Patient safety course online
- 99% of thesis done (hope my supervisor revert to me fast for any corrections, I totally dislike research and am just doing it for the sake of fulfilling the prerequisite)
- Organised departmental level world anaesthesia day
- Participated in “green anaesthesia” video competition (but didn’t win and was quite an unsuccessful attempt, at least I know this is beyond my skills)
- 1/3 of cardiology updates course (this was hilarious, I snoop into the course using my friend’s tag cause she can’t make it but at least I know the latest 4 pillars of heart failure management and gained a lot of new knowledge)
- Countless CMEs with a good attendance rate despite always being 1-5 mins late
- Survived first month of on-calls as a registra (please let it be smooth for the next 4 months)
- Did a few “wow” cases such as 4kg patient or 14 pints of blood transfusion sort of cases
Okay so those stuff are more about my career and academics but what about my personal life? Do I have memorable timelines throughout the year? I surely do is just that it isn’t as long as the list above and I realised that stuff like going out with friends don’t hold the same weight as they did back in undergraduate. In fact I really do not enjoy such social events where I find it a burden to actually make conversations. Perhaps it is because the current place I work in, I don’t seem to find anyone who I feel I can trust or have deep conversations. The good thing is, it doesn’t bother me at all to not have found anyone. The sad thing is I did experience the kind of friendship I wanted momentarily but had to let it go. (Now tell me why am I still dwelling in the past? 8 months have lapse, it is just bad on my part for not being able to manage my heart better). This short break gave me some clarity on my strategy for the next 365days as it is the most crucial 365 days of my life which I can only succeed.
First I am going to shut off completely from unnecessary relations so to reduce my energy spent on that area. Besides I should call my parents more often, check in with my brother and video call my spouse as they are the people who matters. Then I am going to dedicate only 1 hour of workout time per day (yes I need a limit as I have been exceeding my workout time due to the addictive effects of running especially if the weather is lovely). Doesn’t matter what sort of work out but I shall not let myself turn into a fat person like I did back in first year which left me with lots of stretch marks. Then I am going to have a schedule and stick with it (yes I’m going to be disciplined although being disciplined is not my style). It is only 365 days of sacrifice, no actually it is lesser than 365days as next year this moment I would have graduated. So yes, if I want to do it only ONCE I better give my all and start investing my time and energy in the right direction. If at any point I feel teary I will just need to remember Leo and the scene where the song “don’t cry” was sung.
I Miss Home.
I hope 365 days later I can revisit this post and give myself a pat on the back and tell myself “you did it!”.
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