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Palpitations

 I can’t sleep. I really would love to go to bed right now. The last 3 days I discovered that I am not technology savvy at all. If I am a character in a game, my HP would be less than half now after trying to design my scientific poster presentation. I was grousing about other people not knowing about the concept of time but I myself made the mistake of taking up too much than I can chew. I lack foresight of what will life be after 2 months later and now that I am at “two months later”, I am overwhelmed. 

Good thing that YouTube offers a lot of tutorials and I was able to use Microsoft Excel stacked bar charts to make a graph out of my Likert scale data. I think to make life easy I need to watch more tutorials on how to use Microsoft Excel. Probably I wasted 48 hours of my life designing and redesigning my poster after my superiors gave tons of opinions. However I am thankful for the newly gained experience and knowledge. I just wish the timing was right as now is the wrong time to be side tracked. 87days more to finals. Will I smile after 87 days or cry? I hope I will be smiling. 

My heart is now beating so fast from the coffee I drank today morning and it made me jittery the whole day. I didn’t spend a long time being sad yesterday but somehow my body stayed sad as I had gastric acid reflux and lost significant amount of sleep. I thought I needed the coffee today (been avoiding it as I know I am caffein intolerant but I really love the smell of coffee) but maybe one big table spoon is too much for me. I pooped thrice after taking coffee and yet here I am still feeling so alert yet not productive. 

I missed dinner unintentionally and probably this is also a contributing factor as to why I am having palpitations maybe I am hungry and dehydrated. At this hour it is a dilemma to eat or not to eat. Recapping on today’s events I couldn’t believe myself for turning down an oncall offer with double pay (I usually never say never to opportunities to earn more money). This is a definitive sign of exhaustion. I still feel a little disbelieve of rejecting the offer without giving much consideration. 

Gosh it’s after 12 so it’s 86 days to exams. However before that it is less than 10days for my poster presentation. I have never presented a poster after I started working and I personally do not like presenting due to stage fright. Remind me again why am I always subjecting myself to unnecessary stress. However I should remember that saying things from the heart is most important during a presentation. I realised this during the Congress in Singapore. I went unprepared and thought I just had to recite my poem yet after listening to other candidates and realising I need an opening I started formulating what I was going to say. By the time I was in front speaking to an audience I just spoke from my heart and somehow it captured them and they laughed at the right timing to the things I say. Yet I recalled when someone asked me a question and I gave an answer that was not from my heart, somehow I could feel I was losing the audience and I don’t feel contented with my own performance and answer. 

Then again my next presentation is rather factual so I should just stick to the facts and be confident. Okay I shall do some single best answer with whatever energy that I have left to spend before I feel sleepy. 

Hope the typhoon Gaemi can resolve soon and my loved ones can enjoy Taiwan. It’s such a bummer that they are travelling at the wrong time. Timing is so important! 

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