Sweetie's World

 我真的在自己的布洛克没有发表意见的自由了吗？这也让我学习有些东西只要一个人知道了，再也不能像以前那样，想写啥就写啥，自己开心就好。 我知道布洛克能锁起来，可是我以为自己一些经验能让陌生人心情低落时看了我的经验后，可能心情会更好，或不会再自责。 我真的很累了，我和他的事带了很多的伤悲和委屈， 我真的不想和他有任何的来往了。当初就是一直担心他，同情他，我才下不了手和他断绝联系。后来是他决定断绝来往，我才能让他“走”。  你给我看好， 我不再是那个会为你打气，鼓励你，给你精神上支持的朋友了。 我们也跨界了太多次，对我而言，暧昧是很大的罪因为我结婚了。可是对你来说，你只不过那时对我有好感，也没对不起任何人。而我，伤害了我的老公。几天前收到你的电邮，真的很惊讶。刚巧我也忙着搬家，我那时不懂该如何处理你这个电邮。 首先，我是不会再和你有任何来往，因为是你当初说不能做朋友，我也不可能把我的热脸贴到你的冷屁股。 第二，我对你没有任何的责任，自己是成年人了，若觉得自己不够成功，那就自己努力做好自己。第三，我真的不想再把你这个人在我另一半面前提了。 我知道有些事我可以不说可是我会觉得不舒服。就是因为没有和另一半说，我昨晚发了噩梦。 我梦见我和另一半去了你的国家，可是奇怪的是我和另一半说我会在朋友的家过夜（也就是你的家）。 我觉得梦很奇怪因为若他知道是你，他肯定不会让我去。我到了你的家，家里没人可是我却进到你房间里，就在那边等着你。当你到了，你也没有表情，还和我说我不能在你家过夜因为有亲戚来拜访。 我想在你家过夜因为我想好好和你说说话，好好把我们这份缘给断了一干二净！可是我也觉得自己很不合逻辑，怎么到你家过夜？  没想过在梦里的你真的把我冷落，我也开始有点慌因为我没有订酒店，也没做好心理准备我没地方住（梦里的我也太紧张了吧，其实有很多办法的）。我打给另一半，另一半却订了单人床，准备睡觉了。 我觉得这个梦也显示了我潜意识里描述了你不是一个可靠的人。 当初你说过如果我在你的国家遇到任何危险要求助还是能找你，可是你也是把我给拉黑的那个人。  你能不要再关注我的布洛克吗？我知道你喜欢收集东西，包括感觉。 你得记得，现在我和你只是陌生人。我们所经历的过去都是很大的错，把那些日子给忘了，因为记得也带不了任何正能量。你醒醒好吗？ 别再和我有任何来往，也别再看我的...

 I made it. The first part was 40% and I was ranked 1st in my center and the second part was 60% and I dropped to 2nd place. The miracle is that overall, among all the batches across different centers, I came 3rd. Oh well, only the 1st place gets an award so to me it didn't make a huge difference but it was more like a bonus of just knowing how I scored in an exam that had 84 total candidates.  I think this will be the last major exam I will sit in this life. Enough is enough. 4years of my life and I really feel old after finishing this. I thought I would be ecstatic but it turn out I am just feeling peaceful and relieved. It was good I was so hooked to playing games that I did not think about it and when the announcement happened, I missed it. So when I finally ended my games, I was shocked to see my phone was being bombarded by congratulatory messages. I took time to screen through and look out for the department message and also a message from the head of department, that's...

 I badly wanted to be the best because during the written my lecturer told me I was the best for my batch and so I thought I just need to perform for my viva but unfortunately today's performance was bad. I thank God for letting me enter the first room with the kinder examiners which played an important role in helping me move through the questions. I would say I performed well and probably achieved excellent level in at least 2 our of 4 of the questions in room 1. Sadly room 2 the questions were harder and one of the examiner was not very kind and mislead me when she was trying to give hints. The worst part about it was that it was the first question so the subsequent questions to come my confidence is shattered. I really would love to kick myself right now for failing to stay composed and became flustered costing me my performance. I still believe I am able to pass the exams but I do feel slightly disheartened that I let a good chance of becoming a good student slip by. Anyway th...

 The past 7 days have been really challenging as my health suffered due to inconsiderate people around me and partly because I failed to take good care of myself. The weather have turned colder and it is the season for the cold virus to be attacking susceptible victims. I found myself hating almost everyone in the department because majority have no cough ethics and I do wonder if they have been through a pandemic and if they qualify as health care worker. It annoys me a lot that my college would pull down his mask to cough……  Oh, I just realized I did not finish the above post and that was written on 7/11/24. I feel like I just came back from being half dead. I have never felt so sick and alone and scared. I had my blood drawn a total of 4 times and this is the most number of blood taking I ever have consecutively. First it was by a very professional medical assistance, then by a registra in my department followed by a colleague and finally a nurse. I should say I was lucky a...