I badly wanted to be the best because during the written my lecturer told me I was the best for my batch and so I thought I just need to perform for my viva but unfortunately today's performance was bad. I thank God for letting me enter the first room with the kinder examiners which played an important role in helping me move through the questions. I would say I performed well and probably achieved excellent level in at least 2 our of 4 of the questions in room 1. Sadly room 2 the questions were harder and one of the examiner was not very kind and mislead me when she was trying to give hints. The worst part about it was that it was the first question so the subsequent questions to come my confidence is shattered. I really would love to kick myself right now for failing to stay composed and became flustered costing me my performance.
I still believe I am able to pass the exams but I do feel slightly disheartened that I let a good chance of becoming a good student slip by. Anyway there is only 1 award for 1 person out of the whole batch and I know even if I did not get it, passing the exam itself is good enough. Secretly I would love the award to show it to my mom since I failed to get the gold medalist award during my under graduation. I think mom feels good when I perform and the days I performed well only lasted till secondary school, thereafter I am an averaged student. I personally did not aim for the award but since the information I was top in class was disclosed to me, I started to want to aim for it.
I need to discard this bad feeling I have right now. Once I graduate I am definitely going to go fix my EQ. I find myself to be pathetic to have such poor control on my emotions. I dwell on this for the last 4 hours and I think that is enough! Now I just need to focus on my medical viva and pray I can score a good mark for it and compensate for today's performance. Sigh...
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