I haven't calculated how many red packets I have sent him, and I'm sending one now as a money transfer, since the upper limit for red packets on WeChat is 200 (or perhaps I don't know how to adjust it). No, he is not a scammer, nor does he say anything improper. Knowing his background gave me the impulse to want to be his fairy, genie, or whatever that could make his life better. His life is wonderful as he is living his dream, cycling around his country and enjoying various picturesque sceneries and food. He do not at all exude any lack and he gives me the impression of being contented.
However, his eyes are really blank. It felt lifeless. No matter how much I tried to look at his eyes from the photos he post on his social media, I just felt it was lacking of passion and spirit. It really didn't match his kind easy-going nature that he portrayed. When I asked my friend to take a look at his photo, I got the same feedback - his eyes is empty. Sometimes I do wonder why it is so empty, is it because of the hardships he encountered in life?
Today, after a lot of persuasion, he finally agreed to accept my gift. It is hard to buy the gift directly for him, so I transferred some money to him instead. I wanted him to get a pair of new shoes as the ones he wore is really worn out, and he has on multiple occasions used superglue to glue the base of the shoe back. I do not know why I do feel a lot of empathy towards him. I know I should never feel sympathy, and he would definitely not want that from me. I did not tell my husband I gave him gifts as I think it is unnecessary to tell him. I tried to imagine if my husband did that to another woman, would I be jealous? I think I will, so I guess he would not like it too. However, I do not feel guilty of my actions as I am using my own money to do so and I want to be someone's fairy.
Okay, I know I sound ridiculous, but if there is a chance to make someone feel like they are in a fairy tale, I would take the chance to do so. I do not want to say it is charity because again, it is not, and I should never make a friend feel that way. I felt a little sad when he said something in the line of "thank you for feeding me", I told him that it is a gift and he should never say that. So how he finally gave in to me was that I told him, "Am I not as worthy as your bros? You never rejected them," knowing that he had 2 outing with people from the game and they treated him to good food. In the end he said "thanks big bro for feeding me.", Without thinking, I replied, "welcome bro," but then I felt it was not right later on and emphasized it is a gift.
It's been a year and 4 months since I know him and I keep feeling like it is going to come to an end and I am going to miss him very much when that happens. Like how sometimes I miss talking to 3 but I know I shouldn't as he was deliberately mean towards me. I hope the person I want to protect and provide will always be safe and sound and I wish we don't have to be strangers someday.
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