Okay I am super sleepy now but I want to write about how I actually voiced message teacher the last 2 days. Actually it wasn't even a sentence, I just taught him how to say the word "premiere" and also cockles in one of the dialects is "see ham". I never voice message him cause I am pretty shy to do so besides Chinese language is not my first language. Anyway no big deal just a voice message and I think I am less nervous now to send voice messages but I am so glad that social media app these days allow voice to be converted into text and I still prefer sending text messages.
The past 2 days I dreamt of teacher. In the first dream it was very weird, I was looking into his room where it was really colorful and it had a lot of costume and he was wearing a blue dinosaur costume. That is all that I can remember. In the dream he did not notice me, he was looking at a mirror and just before he place the dinosaur head on his head, I caught a glimpse of him. Anyway I never have any photos of teacher where I can actually see how he really looks. Most of his adventures which he shares with me some of it always features him wearing masks or only his eyes are seen or the picture is taken so far that his features are blurry. Yesterday I had a much inappropriate dream, in that dream I ran towards him and in a child-like manner said "我要抱抱” (I wanna hug). Then it became funny because he was so tall that I couldn't even reach out for a hug. So yeah I did not end up hugging him in my dream but still it was a pretty weird dream.
I can explain the first dream, I think I mixed him up with my little chicken game in alipay and that is why I dreamt of costumes. The second dream is a bit hard to explain although I think it could be because we were sending text messages almost the whole day yesterday since it was his off day and he showed me many beautiful photos of the mountains and places he went. The hug part, is was because I did send a text to my husband that I want a hug before I went to bed. It just feels a bit odd for me to mix them up. Should I feel guilty about it? I told him about the first dream but I will NEVER tell him about the second dream. It feels wrong. Yeah I guess learning what to say and what not to say is an essential survival skill.
I am pretty pissed at work yesterday due to some individuals who did not clarify the truth before jumping into conclusion. Although everything resolved today as that particular individual finally realize she made a mistake, I somehow still hold a grudge against her. I like what teacher told me about saying things simply. He said "shit can anyhow eat, words cannot simply say". Okay I translated that, it sounds better in Chinese.
I suddenly feel like writing because I realize I have been enjoying his presence these past 2 days and out of sudden I am reminded that it is all temporary and felt a blanket of sadness cover me. Yeah, eventually we will run out of things to talk about and he will be busy on his journey as he plan to quit his job and go on a long one year vacation. Not to forget he is also suppose to meet people and date and that will keep him very occupied. Two days ago he send me a screenshot of his storage log in his wechat and said "congratulations you made it to the list". It was sorted as from largest to smallest and I guess I must have sent him tons of messages. I proceed to check mine and noted he was number 1 on my list of chat that occupies my storage and retort back "congratulations for getting number 1" followed by a screenshot of my storage. He replied "笑死". I am really going to miss him someday but I believe I will have the ability to stop missing him just like I don't miss Icy at all.
When the day comes that he is no longer in my life, I must delete everything about him because that is the first step of moving on. I am glad I deleted three's messages however because we are in the same gunbound group sometimes seeing his messages in the group chat makes me sad. I wish there is a feature or function where I can hide his messages in the group. Sometimes I still miss three, then again maybe cause it is only 2months since I deleted him from my life. I hate to admit that I miss him. But it's okay.
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