Skip to main content

1am

 It’s almost 1am and I couldn’t sleep again due to the heat wave. I was tired from my hectic oncall and skipped exercising today. Instead I slept off despite the heat for about 20 minutes and woke up in a puddle of my own sweat. I feel like a “gummy bear” all the time as my neck, armpits, the elbow crease and back of my knee feels sticky. It is really an unpleasant feeling and when I am on my bed I assume a star fish position in the hopes that I could air out all those sticky regions. Taking a shower does not help either and I rarely use a towel these days as the water gets evaporated so fast. 

It is definitely too late to walk to the hospital now although I have walked to the hospital at 2am before and the streets were so serene that I felt for once I am the only human alive. Last night being in the ice cold operating theatre, I wished I could snuggle my soft toys and stay in a comforter and sleep. However, I was playing with “Level-1” last night instead of getting any rest because of a horrible accident involving a young male. I would say I broke my own record of most blood  product transfused during a case. The patient had a total of 14 pints of packed cell, 18 cryoprecipitate, 12 fresh frozen plasma and 4 units of platelets. We ran out of platelets so that’s all we could give him and to make things worst there was no a thromboelastogram or Rotem to guide us on our transfusions. It was just guided by serial arterial blood gas which has the haemoglobin level and calcium levels. To aggravate the whole scenario, there was difficulty in getting the person who has the expertise to secure the bleeding vessel. At one point someone even suggested to just “pack the abdomen” and I don’t see that as a solution as before the abdomen was opened up the patient was already severely hypotensive and had needed 5 pints Of packed cells. 

Anyway in the end we manage to send a haemodynamically stable patient to the surgical intensive care unit after approximately 5 hours in theater. I honestly do not think he will survive as we noted his pupils were unequal mid surgery and we do not have facilities such as intraoperative CT Scan. He was so unstable from the begining that thete were no imaging available other than a portable chest x-ray. With 3 of his limbs fractured, a severe traumatic brain injury and also massive blood transfusion from the intraabdominal vascular injury, I really think his chance to survive is rather low. The injuries per say are treatable but I think time, facilities and expertise also play an important factor in reducing secondary injuries and giving the patient a better chance of survival. 

I still feel there was a lot of delay in taking him to theater, it was 5 hours post trauma that he was taken to theater. I also felt like whatever I studied and what I practice does not go hand in hand due to the limitation of facilities. I also have a lot of question about the case and I wish I could discuss it with someone senior but right now everyone seems to be busy with the finals fot the senior batch. I wonder should an intracranial probe be placed to monitor the pressures in the skull or would it been better if we had en route to the CT room just for a quick CT scan after stabilizing him temporarily. How or what can we do better? (The flaw in my training is we hardly reflect on how to improve and only do so whenever there is an obvious adverse event). 

I am often thinking about some of the cases I handled before and wonder if I had in my best knowledge and capacity did the right thing. Some things do haunt me and it is these thoughts that floods my mind whenever I have trouble falling asleep. I am also afraid of things like outdated practices which could bring potential short or long term harm. I wonder if whatever I learned in end of life care workshop 6 years ago is still same or have things change? Maybe I should attend one of these workshop if theres an opportunity. A lot of things are not as ideal as in first world country and I hope I will really be granted a mentor from an online application I made recently. Someone who could give me individualised guidance and feedback. 

Okay it is 28 degrees now, maybe I should try taking a shower again and try to sleep or I will definitely be sleep deprived and less productive. I admit that I was really not smart in not installing an airconditioner and paying extra electricity bills (I really hate to admit this but it is an excellent example of penny wise pound foolish!)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

我的救星

 感觉阿财短短的生命给了我好多教训,其中一个就是要珍惜身边所爱的事务。我一直以为她能活得比我久但是我错了。年轻并不代表能长命。我开始放下手机,开始多出门做点户外活动。也开始意识我上网所珍惜的网友并没当我一回事,是我自己觉得他们很重要。感情的投资我相信都是求回报的,因为单方面的投入只会消耗自己。我那天在大佬面前那么卑微,我也觉得很丢脸很不因该。我那时的想法就是不管我多卑微,我只想和他交朋友。可是后来他没有如朋友那样对待我, 他只想着自己的感受根本没考虑过我的感受。 阿财是我今世最乖巧的宠物,从来不给我添麻烦。可是我们不小心伤了她 - 那时她跑到我车底,爸爸努力把她拉出来,伤了她的脖, 我真的好难过。她病了两个星期才过世,这两个星期我们到底为了她做些什么呢?如果我早点给她取暖,早点给她抗生素,她还会活着吗?阿财死的样子就好像在沉睡,我摸摸她的头和鼻子,好想她给我一点反应。我还以为她在“冬眠” 试着摸摸她可爱的短腿,心里求着神明让她活着,可是也没反应。我还想着如果耶稣死了能复活,能不能让阿财也像耶稣一样复活呢?我真的不喜欢有关宗教的故事,都是骗人的。 我把支付宝里的小鸡取名为“阿财”,让阿财永远都在我记忆里。我也想,每天记得她但是我同时也放下让她去投胎。我发现我们一张合照都没有,但是没关系我还有她吃东西时的视频,她的眼睛充满灵性的看着我。想着她活着的那些时光都是美好的。因为她,我会更努力的珍惜一切,最需要珍惜的还是自己。 明年这个时候能不能亲自去体验桂花香? 

Out of the blue

 I remembered I used to cry a lot about Icy, and I was very confused with my own actions and emotions. During that period, I needed someone to talk to, and I did not want to talk to anyone who knew me in real life so I just spoke to someone random in-game. He joined the clan and I used to want people to be active and donate clan points and make a lot of reminders for members to play world boss. It was also during that time that I cleared out some members to make way for new ones. I may have recall bias as I had a lot of sadness in me back then and when I am sad I cannot recall things properly. I just remember the guy was from Brazil and when he heard of my story he was mad at me as he said I was unfaithful to my husband and he left the clan and deleted me as friend. I was rather shocked with his response and at that time I was also sad as I realize no one will ever be compassionate enough to understand my feelings.  Anyway that was more than 1 year plus ago. I think I stopped ...

拒绝

 今晚我好想和他玩游戏,可是没遇到他上线。 我知道可以微信叫他可是我比较喜欢随缘。 我一直想开局和他玩可是好友约了我所以这个月开局就是和我的朋友一起玩。 刚巧蓬松的龙下午也约我可是我下班后赶着去运动没时间和他玩。  我好像和我的坦克老师一起玩但是他只会叫我打友谊赛,今晚也一样他主动问我要不要1打1。 通常我是不会拒绝这样的邀请因为好想继续和老师学习,可是我觉得最近打了1打1还要被他说“险胜”,险胜个鬼。他根本把我打得很惨,他并没有险胜。我打不过他也一直让我感到少许的难过因为代表我还不能和他一起组。 我相信如果我有方法打败他,他一定会带我玩。  “好久不见” - 开始觉得一日如三秋的感觉。明天我们有缘一起打游戏吗?晚安