Every day I would definitely claim all the free rewards in GBM by watching advertisements on my phone but suddenly I can't access to any of the ads and it says I need to allow App Tracking which I tried but couldn't. I tried finding solutions online and initially, it worked, I could allow App Tracking for GBM but after watching one ad, the whole thing repeated and I tried the same maneuver and it would not work. Is this a way of unforeseen forced trying to wean me away from GBM? Right now it is creating a lot of distress for me as that is the only leisure I have next to running and life would be quite dull without games.
Today I heard someone sobbing so hard as I jogged late in the evening. At first, I thought it was a child, but as I got closer the person suddenly stopped crying and it was a grown woman. I was in a lot of conflict on whether I should ask her if she is alright or should I just let her be. I wasn't wearing my glasses and hid them amongst one of the flower pots along with my room keys as it was just too cumbersome to wear glasses and carry room keys to run. So without my glasses, I can't assess the situation well. I could only make out she was a female because she was wearing headscarf (just like majority of the Muslim girls I meet here). I slowed down a little to decide but in the end, I passed her by without making eye contact (I can't because I can't see after all) or saying anything and I somehow don't feel good about it.
Just a few days I saw a quote saying "one little message(or was it gesture?) could change everything" and I wondered if pretending to ignore her was the best action as some people might want to be just left alone to dwell in their sadness while other may appreciate some care shown by others. It was getting quite dark at 745pm and she was walking further into the darkness. I felt a little concern on the way she was crying her heart out. Disturbing thoughts started to play in my mind such as, what if she is on her way to the pond and she is so sad that she attempts to jump into the pond? Then another part of me says that if I were to ask her if she was okay, she might feel very "seen" and probably would have been embarrassed that a stranger witnessed her vulnerable self.
If I were to cry as loud as she did, I would ensure no one is around and I would choose somewhere less public. So, did she choose that place to cry so that someone would reach out? Or she had assumed no one will be around at that hour and she probably had no where else to cry because she was not staying alone? There are so many probabilities and possibilities and why am I spending my time thinking about all this? I don't know, perhaps I feel a little bit lonelier today which is an unusual feeling because I am a person who really enjoys my own company.
I bought a huge R2E2 mango to reward myself after my run today and it was just the way I like it, not too ripe and with adequate sweetness that is not overpowering. I really love this species of mango due to the lack of fiber in it so it feels more jelly-like or like a solid pudding. I acknowledged that I am also feeling homesick and I decided to travel home for mama's upcoming birthday. Maybe I shouldn't tell them I am going home and just surprise them with my presence. It will be the last I go home before my exams and I want to make the most out of it since it is also the harvest festival! I wonder if I am fit enough to go into my traditional Kadazan-Dusun attire which I only wore twice (waste of money I know but I love collecting traditional attires). Well, that is something for me to find out in another 2 weeks!
Why am I thinking of him today? I should just stop asking "why" for now.
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