I almost met an accident twice within a day. I was sitting on the passenger side and it all happened on an auspicious Vesak day. Since it was just a near miss and I am okay, I brushed it off and felt inspired to try my luck buying 4-digit numbers. Although I know the chances to strike is one in ten thousand, I still would love to give it a try. I was also puzzled as to why last year’s Vesak day for Malaysia and Singapore was on different days but this year it fell on the same day. I managed to bath the Buddha this Vesak and perform simple prayers. I think it is natural to pray for those dear to us which are usually family and close friends. Although there are no longer any associations, I included an additional prayer to pray for the well-being and a smooth sailing life for Icy because he did prayers for me before at the Eshwaran Shrine located at Bangkok and I thought it was appropriate to return the favour.
I woke up today feeling tired as I was plague with nightmares the whole night. I dreamt I sat for my exam, took my sweet time answering the short answer question and at the end of the 2 hours, I still have 2 and a half unfinished question to do. I recalled question number 6 was “what are the complications for blood transfusion” and I felt so bad for not having time to answer as I know the answer to it very well. I was even thinking how to organised my answer in the dream dividing it into “immunological” or “non immunological” causes, “immediate” or “delayed” reactions. Gosh I must be thinking in my dream and that is why I felt like I did not rest. In the dream I kept punishing myself with thoughts of regrets and was hoping my single best answer could still help cover the deficit and aid me in passing the paper. Alas, I did not pass and I felt my world was dark and I couldn’t bear the thought of going through another half a year of intensive studying just to sit for the exam again. When I got up, I felt tired and extremely miserable. My partner told me it was just a dream and why should I hold on to it. He asked me if I remembered the questions from the exam paper and I told him I can only remember one of the question. Come to think of it, I did mention about blood transfusion in my conversations yesterday and that would be the reason why “blood transfusion” appeared on the exam sheet. I also did not do anything academic yesterday and that could be the reason my inner self is trying to remind me that I have slacked and there are consequences to it.
The reason I felt miserable was because I wanted to wake up in the morning feeling fresh and ready to seize the day. Having a lack of energy in the day is equal to having a start with a deficit and it will definitely be a drag throughout the whole day. To cheer me up, my partner brought me some R2E2 and fed me by the bedside. I think having something bright and sweet paired by the thoughtfulness of a Love One is just the right concoction to lift up a dull spirit. I felt better and by the time I wash up and head out, I am back to my high spirited self. What i didn’t know was more challenges were to come and the first one was to overcome the feeling of regrets again. I completely forgotten about the number I bought yesterday and when my partner asked me about it and I checked, the first prize had all the digits I selected but the last 2 digits the position were swapped. I felt a little heartache and wonder why did I not buy in such a way that all 4 numbers could be swapped around. That would give me an extra 4K pocket money which I planned to put into my house renovations. I started to lament and again my partner reminded me that I should be happy for making such a near guess and perhaps better luck is coming my way. So instead of writing the caption “my heart aches” along with the 4D results and my ticket in my family group chat, I change it to “I almost strike!”. The way we handle situations does make a difference and with just a change in the caption it gives the readers a different vibe.
As I followed my partner to work today, we were greeted with lots of damages from the landslide that occurred last night. There were no casualties (thank God!) but the damages were significant and part of the workers home was badly affected requiring a lot of repairs. We also got our vehicle stuck despite using the 4-wheel drive function and had to ask another vehicle to pull our vehicle out. There are total 4 places with landslides and a lot of manpower is needed to restore the roads to the farm. I think I am still unable to do big things as I felt pressured when I see all the damages and was already mentally calculating the losses incurred, yet again my partner took everything calmly. He was his jovial self and told me that he is so glad no one is injured and the house is only partly damaged and not entirely damaged. I am the one who does meditation who read self help book and often reflect deeply about things but he is the one who unlocks gratitude and adopt a state of normalcy in everything he faces. It feel so ironic at times because I received a lot of formal education with regards to the way of life from attending dharma classes since I was young yet I am not even half of what my partner is in terms of the “state of mind”. I have again and again created my own suffering whilst he have discovered the meaning of “enlightenment”.
He is my definition of “my cup is half full” and I am thankful to have him as the head of the house to guide me in my growth and road to “enlightenment”. Another example today: the 4 kittens he tried to save for the past 1 week are all dead. Our responses were very different.
Me - this is so sad!
Him - finally they are relieved from their sufferings.
We still have a long day to go and I believe there will be more challenges which will determine if I have learnt or still in the process of learning. Oh, he seems to have solved one part of the landslide with the aid of his workers and it’s time to hop back on the vehicle and continue our work. May the day gets better!
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