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Showing posts from December, 2024

Start

 As long as I am willing to start, I can do anything and everything.  Yesterday I gave a talk for the hospital level continuous medical education session. I was warned ahead that I would be extremely discouraged as the attendance is usually low but that does not bother me because even if I have 1 audience, I will still deliver the talk. We should not deprive the minority who are enthusiastic and willing to learn just because the majority refuse to update/upgrade themselves. I was quite surprised that 23 people came as according to the attendance but only 19 did the pretest and 9 did the post test. I did enquire why was the number for post test was much lower and I think I could improve on my part as the form was not public and needed access. Some of them came late which explains why the pretest was lower than the attendance. I thought I would have stage fright, but somehow I did not this time. I think I know the reason why but it isn't a good reason. I think it was because I a...

Absurd

 So I was being accused of removing the fun from the clan when I set the rules of contributing to clan points. It is just a game but from this game I learn that there are various type of personalities and some of them are not team players or fit to be in the society if this is their attitude in real life scenarios. The clan could only take in 40 players and it has a total of 10 levels. To reach those levels we need to accumulate clan points which can be done by playing 1 world boss using 2 training tickets and that would be 1 point, winning 12games /day to earn 2 points and alternatively purchasing clan points using gems (this would be the most expensive way which I have never asked any members to use this method). I do acknowledge that I may not be the oldest member of the clan but as the subclan master, I have to foresee that the clan moves forward and I do that by moderating the clan points contributed by each member.  I have been kind enough to remind members about the cla...

Friday the 13th

 This is a delayed entry. What I am going to narrate took place yesterday.  I was at my worst attitude when I went to eat durians with my parents, mother in law and husband as I kept playing with my phone replying messages on WeChat and fighting world boss on GBM trying to stay within the top 10. Sadly I was at the 11th place and could not obtain the 5.5 green gemstone. Anyway my husband did sounded me for my attitude and I got into a defensive mode. In the end I know I was wrong and admitted my mistakes but I could not get back that moment I lost with them. I decided to make a vow to keep my phone away whenever I am with family, more so when my mom broke a horrible news to me.  I was complaining to her on how my dad seems to be so overly protective toward me and not giving me the confidence I need when I am driving. My mom then asked if I noticed any changes with my dad but her tone was serious and I said I think he is being irrational and I’m annoyed he kept asking me t...

Stop

I think I should stop writing about my relationship. It is not going anywhere, and I feel like no matter what I do, he is just being distant. He did certain things that are gestures of love, such as making me breakfast and removing the prawn shell for me during our steamboat dinner with our parents last night, but we still slept at two ends of the bed, and I don't remember him giving me physical contact since the day we quarreled.  Today I drove to work and manage to make it on time, I think it is therapeutic to be driving again provided there are no traffic jams or lots of motorcycles and big trucks. I think I do not have much confidence in driving because my dad kept telling me to be careful and when I wanted to take him out but he refused. It is actually quite tiring to be over-protected and to be restricted and I have to be ready to live in such a suffocating environment when I get home and I do not look forward to this part of being home. Knowing that I will have to drive abou...

Criteria

 Do you know to diagnose someone to be brain dead, they need to fulfill certain criteria? 1) Comatose state due to a known cause of irreversible brain damage 2) There is absence of brainstem reflexes  3) The patient requires mechanical ventilation or otherwise is apnoeic without it  This is just an example of how a diagnosis is made. It made me wonder how do you define a dysfunctional relationship. I saw a cartoon on social media where a balloon poodle fell in love with a cactus poodle, upon hugging the cactus poodle, the balloon poodle burst and had to be repaired with tape. The cactus poodle then shaved off all its spines and both of them were able to hug each other with the price of one giving up part of themself and the other a permanent wound. Initially, I thought the cartoon depicted sacrifices in relationships - going against all odds to be together. However, reading the comments, I was surprised to see that it means different things for most people and the majorit...

互相伤害

 我才和你住了两个星期,我们就开始互相伤害。 我真的没想过我们那么快就吵架了,总觉得很难接受我们这次吵架后的感觉。我的心力出现了想离婚的念头,因为你没有包容我,还一直强调我说话让你感到不舒服, 还怪在我的八字上。其实你自己也很常让我失望,让我生气,我承认我对你大声可是那是因为我真的觉得很无奈! 昨天我们在家举办了派对,我一直很想我们俩穿着粉红色的情侣装然后开开心心迎接客人,没想过昨天你不但没有和我搭配衣服,还不在我身旁。我很为难因为我不是每个亲戚都认识,很多时候我都必须问妈妈客人要怎么称呼。我对整个派对感到万分的失望。 我也很心疼我们家的白沙发给两位蠢货用脚踩上去, 我真的很讨厌没礼貌,智残的小孩子!未来我不希望再举办任何的派对了。 晚上睡觉前想和你和好,可是就是一开口好像两个人都沟通不良,牛头不对马嘴。 结局是我一个人哭,你却开车到了旧家说要做账务因为你睡不着。这两天你除了给我做早饭,我真的不懂你到底还爱不爱我,因为我就是感受不了你的爱。我们睡觉时我就一直觉得像一首歌里的歌词 “一张双人床中间隔着一片海”,怕冷的我不再有你的体温给我保暖。  今天我得知我将会回到家乡工作,我真的舍不得你可是同时也觉得离开才能让你珍惜我。 

和谐的冷战

 老公,我们俩今天的心感觉上还是很远的。可能是我父母过来了,两个人也很有默契,在他们面前演戏。最棒的是我们不需要剧本,演得很真实,连我父母都看不出我们俩其实吵架了。自从你把你的闹钟从那首很吵的《Baby one more time》换成《卜卦》我发现我们的感情就变差了。对,我昨天早上是称赞你把闹钟声换成一首比较柔和的歌曲,可是我今天发现歌词对我们感情会带来更多的伤害。你自己给我的第一份礼物就是《吸引力法则》,可是你自己却一点都没有好好利用这个知识,反而一直都犯同样的错误。 你一直把你想要的事都吸引进你的生活里,我做你的另一半真的觉得很累!  今天的你让我很难爱你,感觉你就是不要我幸福。早上是你的闹钟惊醒了我,让我听了两次的《卜卦》。我虽然喜欢这首歌但是也不想一大早就听带有伤感的歌。 然后你对我的态度也很差。我帮你泡了一杯热巧克力,还拿了午饭给你吃因为你忙着上网课,可是今天除了我叫你老公,你一声老婆都没叫过我。 我看到你很累叫你睡觉,你却一直不听。到最后你决定进房间睡觉时,也不来给我一个吻或拥抱,你就直接说“我去睡觉了”。昨晚你也完全没有抱我,我们中间就放着枕头。 我和你在一起的日子是越来越少了,你却选择让我不幸福。 明天婆婆也过来,我看你在她面前怎么和我演下去。 我觉得如果继续这样下去,我是会讨厌你,嫌弃你。 

给老公的信

 今天我们吵架了,像平时我真的懒得和你吵。我说的话的确很伤你的心可是这就是我,当我觉得受伤时总会说出一些让我自己感到后悔的话,虽然我说的都是事实。 如果你愿意听,愿意站在我的立场想,我其实有很多话想和你说。  亲爱的老公,  今天我起床时都充满正能量, 我虽然昨晚睡不好因为喝了你买给我的抹茶饮料,我还是充满活力的说“老公我很爱很爱你哦!”。你却问我”为什么”。 当我说我很幸福你昨天没有怪我发了点小脾气,说你很包容我,说你明白我是因为很累很疼才心情那么坏,你却开始批评我。  昨天我是五点下班,你说会来载我,我等了一个小时你都还没到而且原因是因为你在菜园里做酵素。 我觉得我们都商量好有好多家务得做,而且我们还说要去家具店买东西,可是你就是选择这个时候做酵素。 我等了很久,玩游戏也开始腻就选择自己走路到家具店。我背着手提电脑和另外拿着我另一个背包走了大约一公里的路。我很不习惯拿着那么多东西走路,我的肌肉真的很疼尤其是颈部和腰部,越走越难过。 所以我打电话给你叫你马上到家具店然后也要求你帮我背我的书包。 我知道我的口气一点都不温柔,可是我是真的很疼也很累。 结果今天你说我很常说话方式让你不舒服,我听到后就觉得一大清早真的需要以被批评的方式开始吗?我觉得有点生气,那么我就说你不懂分配时间,不懂得在对的时间做对的事等等。 后来我们俩也不说话, 我打游戏来放松,也没帮忙做家务了。 过后我们就开车到机场接我的父母。 开车时你又要和我说你的立场可是不管你说什么我都听不进因为我觉得很不被爱。  路程中,不做了三件事让我觉得你不爱我 1) 我没有吃早餐和午餐,你不会主动买点东西给我吃。对,你有问我要不要去family mart 买点面包,可是我说不要。我只觉得若你懂我,你爱我,你不会问我这个蠢问题,你会直接买点吃的给我。 2) 你说完你的立场我说我们彼此从以前都是这样,个站在个的立场,永远没有个交叉点, 那么彼此不说话会更好。你也不说话了,也没问我我的立场。 而且你说的很多话真的是借口,还有是你说自己没有用,我没有说过你没有用我只是说你欺骗我,答应我的东西每次都没实现。 3) 我们在休息站停车,我说我要买点吃的可是我还没打完我的坦克宝贝游戏也不可能下车去买,因为我不想坑和我一起玩的人。你上了厕所回来还看到我在车上,我告诉你原因你也没有说“你...

失去才珍惜

 很多人失去了才会珍惜,这是人的本性吧。 我考试时一直盼望能玩游戏的日子,可是能玩游戏时我却想念读书的日子。说好了不想再读书可是我真的做不到完全不读书,感觉很不安。 一直渴望放假可是才休息三天就觉得若没上班生活变得没意义。 结果上班去了可是因为不够忙就觉得在办公室的时间很痛苦。就是做自己喜欢的事过时间可是得在办公室里。刚巧我办公室里的房间就有一张床,我看着它却不敢睡因为我觉得睡了下去就是等于在偷懒。虽然我可以在午休时间睡一会,我也不敢。 我的房门也开着的,因为不想被同事们误会,毕竟我是新人,而且岗位上都比他们高,都得有好榜样。  有件事我一直会珍惜,就是和老公一起过的日子。我不明白男人为什么不直接把想说的话说出口,他只是暗示了喜欢有我在他身旁。 我想我回家乡后他一定会很寂寞,家里一定会变得很静。我就没问题啦,都有双亲陪伴,我绝对不会那么闷可是我会非常想他。 其实如果我能赚很多钱,我愿意养他,把他一直留在我身边,只要他愿意宠我,爱我一生也只爱我一个。 

见死不救

一个人若和我说他在挣扎着,我肯定会想尽办法帮助他,“救他”。可是我这次选择了见死不救因为就算我有用心的劝他,他也不会听。之前他收集了很多别的女孩和他的回忆,一直放不下然后开口闭口都是责怪欺骗他的女孩,这个模式我才和他相处几个月就很熟悉了。就是他这个钻牛角尖的心态一直让他徘徊在同一个终点(就是一段感情结束了的终点)。我真的没有恨他,可是我最不喜欢不愿意去接受自己的过错而决定改过自新的人。今天我很得空所以想要分析我对这个人的看法, 也许还再继续关注我的布洛克的你也一样遇过这样的人。 我其实会恨他如果他还收着我们的照片。 女生们请注意,和男生上网聊天若有开镜头,对方是能够不经过你的同意截屏了你的照片。现在想起来也觉得有点恐怖因为我真的不想成为他的收藏品。 另外, 我也觉得他当初说的很多话都侵犯了我,而我还以为男人对女人有兴趣时都会说一点带有色的话因为当初我问他时,是他给我这样的解释。我承认我当初没长脑袋,接受了他的解释也以为自己那么迷人能让他对我有那么多的幻想。爱你的人是会把你当掌上明珠,绝不会轻易的和你说带色的想法。当然如果他能发言,我相信他会说因为他相信我才把自己所有的想法透露出来。简单来说,很多人在这个世界都会为了让自己保持“好人"的身份,什么歪理也能说出口。而当初的我就是个愿者上钩,都把他每句话当真,觉得他一定很爱我。其实我想说,他是个渣男,整天和不同女人混在一起然后到最后每件事情都好像女人们的错。 快两年了,他尽然觉得自己不够优秀。不管是男生或是女生,如果你觉得自己是不够优秀那么你就是没有资格追求别人。 因为只有先把自己搞好了,你才有本事变成别人生活里的一部分。 要不然你只是干涩了别人的生活,带了负能量给别人。我真的觉得他是个 绿茶男 !绿茶也有很多种类,反正就是其中一种。我之前已经劝了他别再关注我这个布洛克,就是当初因为信任他也不懂要如何和他解释才让他知道我是布洛克的主人。 哎,他让我后悔了三件事,另外两件就是游戏里的国旗和最初没有好好一刀两段。其实那天收到他的电邮我真的感到害怕,他不是把我拉黑了吗,为什么会突然出现?什么目的?还要继续干扰我吗?  其实,我是有点胡思乱想,万一他精神不正常计划了一些伤害我的事,那我该怎么办呢?所以女生们,真的不要乱乱和男人交朋友,也不要把自己的私人资料透露出来,我是把电话号码,电子邮件,布洛克都让他知道了。而且他又是...

今天更好

 今天我一半的烦恼消失了,就自然的消失,我真的很开心,买了我爱的酒来庆祝。 可是饭后突然胃疼所以那瓶酒还在冰箱里。我今天也开始八点上班,五点下班的生活。虽然有点累,可是很感恩院长说我不必值班因为我也是暂时性呆在这间小医院。  今天又连胜了四局,还有我发现煎茄子加一点酱油是非常好吃!好啦,我其实非常困,可是想把今天记录下来因为五年后我想长期在这间小医院工作。 老公今天也很贴心,为我准备了巧克力饮料,胡萝卜蛋糕,两粒煎蛋当我的早餐。都怪我今天赖床来不及自己准备我的早餐。 希望老公能像爸爸一样每天都会为我准备早餐 。下班时他也准时接我。  我好喜欢被宠爱的感觉!晚安~

新的开始

 坦克宝贝昨晚发工资啦,上一季我的胜率进步了很多。多谢泡泡大佬当初劝我先别买黄金熊,群里的大佬也比较愿意带我玩因为我有了黄金地雷。 会长都加我好友,我真的很开心。 感觉坦克宝贝群里的人都变成我习惯的人,可是会长说得对, 她说 “ 游戏就是游戏,别聊太深入”。 我真的很欣赏会长姐姐!  今天刚巧是初一,我一开始是不记得,可是自己一大早就到了一座兴都庙拜拜。我只认得出象神,所以点了灯,和象神道谢,同时也求神保佑我和我身边的人。 去了庙的感觉的确不一样,就正能量会比较多。 其实我心里是有很多烦恼,可是我相信天会给我最好的安排。  中午我买了鸡饭请老公的员工吃,他们都很开心,还说要请我吃。 旁晚我尝试做了一粒胡萝卜蛋糕,结果味道挺不错,老公给我打了7.5分。 晚上朋友约炮可是我没时间打炮,有点可惜因为贪玩的我真的很想玩。目前我是不敢野排因为和群里的人组胜率比较高。今天我的胜率还在90分以上,自己看了都开心,没办法我天生好胜!  晚安,明天会更好!