I think I should stop writing about my relationship. It is not going anywhere, and I feel like no matter what I do, he is just being distant. He did certain things that are gestures of love, such as making me breakfast and removing the prawn shell for me during our steamboat dinner with our parents last night, but we still slept at two ends of the bed, and I don't remember him giving me physical contact since the day we quarreled.
Today I drove to work and manage to make it on time, I think it is therapeutic to be driving again provided there are no traffic jams or lots of motorcycles and big trucks. I think I do not have much confidence in driving because my dad kept telling me to be careful and when I wanted to take him out but he refused. It is actually quite tiring to be over-protected and to be restricted and I have to be ready to live in such a suffocating environment when I get home and I do not look forward to this part of being home. Knowing that I will have to drive about 20-40mins daily to work depending on the traffic, my dad want me to find a place to rent near the workplace to avoid driving. I told him I'm not going to waste my money renting elsewhere and I rather pay rent to my own brother and go home each day to see family.
I feel bad that the 1 week they came to visit me, I have no time for them as I am stuck in the workplace doing absolutely nothing. I have been gaming, deleting emails and photos and reorganizing the files in my laptop which is quite tedious as everything is scattered after the exams. I took up Japanese on Duolingo and learning how to learn in Coursera but I just feel less motivated this week maybe because my parents are around and all I want to do is to go home and spend some time with them. I guess I will still be around to spend winter solstice with my husband which is what I have been wishing for all these while.
Come to think of it almost all my wishes came true for this year and I can't wait to go home. I hope the official letter for me to head home will materialize soon, best if it's right after Chinese New Year break so that I could save 3 one-way tickets.
Comments