Sweetie's World

 Today I came across the term "silent divorce" and somehow I felt like it was describing my relationship. I understand distance prevents us from intimacy but when I tried to recall when the last time we were intimate, it was last year. July is around the corner, which means it's been more than half a year since we've had any pleasures of the flesh. I actually find it funny to describe it in that manner. Do I crave for intimacy? Sometimes I do, which makes me a normal human being. However I am a little bit conflicted myself as I do not actually enjoy the main course. It is still awkward and uncomfortable, and most of the time, I catch myself thinking, "Can this end soon?". There is definitely love and lots of care but we are just not compatible when it comes to intimacy, and neither of us has the time to improve this aspect of our marriage.  Do I wonder what it is like to experience intimacy with another person? I do but it is morally and socially wrong. I th...

 今天我过了一个非常休闲的周末。 昨天自己一个人跑完了半马拉松，花了大约2小时43分钟， 觉得自己毅力相当的不错！ 今天又跑了个十公里，算是休闲的跑，花了1小时16分钟的时间。 后来就在海边看书，重新看那本“The Art of Thinking Clearly”。 看了第二次的感觉是不一样的，领悟到了不同东西。应该是说随着时间自己经历的事也多了所以看了书里面的道理也比较能理解。  大约十一点多回到家洗个澡，吃点早饭后就上网打游戏。过后就是吃点午饭然后用了微信读书看书。累了就睡个午觉。醒来后就开始做点翻译工作。我想把《小王子》翻译去一个独一无二的版本送给我的敬爱的老师。 希望我可以在他生日前完成这个任务！ 接着就是让狗狗出去拉屎。 洗个澡又是晚餐时间，吃了晚饭后又打游戏。  偶尔休闲地过生活其实是很棒的！  明天值班咯～！

 今天我好想和你打游戏， 可是我想如果我突然找你就会变成我太常找你。我想我们之前一个或两个星期联络感情是很不错的， 我不想破坏这段美好的友谊。所以我会记得不管是什么样的关系 - 亲情，爱情，友情都只能投入一点点的感情。很认同何权峰说的越是亲近的人我们就越有期待，而期待容易让人失望和难过。最好的关系是当我刚认识一个陌生人，对他完全没有期待然后大家就是活在当下一起玩游戏或聊天，完全没期待未来能再联络。 我已经连续跑步4天了， 可是没感觉到身体有什么变化，只是觉得很饿和困，好想早点睡觉。今天也是我加入坦克宝贝群的一周年。在这365天里，我发现自己很在乎这个群，也因为认识了好多很厉害的玩家才渐渐的变得更强。虽然里面有好多群友，正真互动的只有少过10%的人。有时他们喜欢闲聊，我是很常被聊天室里的话题娱乐。 当然有时候我也不是很懂他们在聊啥。比如有一次他们说着1和0的事，我问了好友他说我可以问会长可是他说女生还是别懂这些。有个玩家语文很优秀，我和他玩感觉我能学好华语。总而言之这个群带给我好多价值。我也在哪里认识了烘焙师傅。之前做泡芙一直失败直到有他指挥我，我才成功。（好像是失败了六次呢） 好吧， 我真的张不开我的眼睛了，明天又有那么多手术。 睡觉，睡觉， 晚安！

 爱或繁体字的愛 真的是代表 “心” 和 “友” 吗？ 可是书里说是代表 “心” 和 “受” 所以爱一个人就要学习接受他的一切。 今晚和老师谈了有关爱这个字却让我有不同的领悟了。 他说不是“心”和“受” 因为会多一撇。 也不是“心” 和 “友” 因为少一横。若说简体字可说爱里真的有个“友” 可是简体字没了 “心”。  所以呢看书也不能轻易的相信书上所写的因为很多东西都是主观的。我就是很喜欢和老师聊天因为他很常说一些有道理的话也同时会让我笑的话。  今晚终于能和尤宁大佬打游戏！我等了两个多月才能和他一起玩那时就是三连败然后香港佬尽然在群里炫耀战胜了我们。 今晚我们算是只是输一局可是最后一局我们俩都莫名其妙的掉线。我是整个游戏软件关掉，大佬说这是传说中的“掉线攻击”。 如果自己没经历过也真的不相信有这样的事。我在登入游戏发现我们真的因此而输了！  我不懂自己为什么和大佬说我对泡泡不再和我一起组队而感到难过的事。其实这件事我已经放下了我只是分享我一些过去的感受。虽然如此，我和他说完后好像感觉比放下还要好多了。我也透露了我是个重感情的人也和他说我希望我们的友谊能万岁，可是他没有给我任何的答复只是说他想起李敖写的歌词“只爱一点点”然后接着说他去刷牙。我看了歌词觉得歌词很有意思。刚巧何权峰所说“爱”是“心”和“受” 的那一集标题也是 “爱少一点，感情反而更好”。 终结， 只爱一点点吧！

 Today I ran 10km and my pace was around 7and half minutes per KM. Not bad for a start! After my run I finished off the book by the seaside and a girl asked me if I am there for the reading activity. Apparently every Saturday from 8am-10am book worms gather by the seaside to read books. I find the activity to be interesting and meaningful. Best part is you don't have to interact with anyone and just read your own book listening to the waves. At the end of the event they stacked the books and took a photo and also a group photo.  I know there's lots of apps that enables us to read ebook but so far I found 微信读书 to be nice and am even considering to subscribe the yearly subscription. The selections of books there are vast and I love the read function with the AI male voice. Somehow it feels like life is back in order since I start reading books again.  Today bubbles asked if anyone wants to play. I would like to play with him but he did not ask me or tag me like how he tag a...

 The latest book I am reading now is entitled 心有多简单，就有多自由 （The simpler is your heart, the more freedom you have) by 何权峰. I was first attracted to the book because of it's cover where it illustrates a dog chasing after a bee with bubbles at the background. Initially I thought it must be a book about dogs but it turns out to be a self-help book, the kind that is similar to chicken soup for the soul. I personally like the book a lot as it is positive and there are a few colorful pages with lots of subheadings so that I can leisurely read each section. However it surprised me to know that my colleague who bought the book didn't really like it and told me I can keep it if I want to. I asked another colleague if she finds the book nice and her respond was "it is a type of book where you would pick up at some days and at some day you just do not feel like reading it". To summarize they feel the book has too much of positivism and my consultant added that “You can't be po...

 Today I listened to Master Louis' free webinar on 奇门遁甲. The best take-home message is the definition of life. He mentioned that life means energy and time and it made me wonder if I have been spending time and energy on the right things and if I did not it means I am wasting my life. It feels rather uncomfortable to reflect on how I have been spending my days since graduation. I do not want to unnecessarily scrutinize myself and instead of thinking what I did not achieve or do, I am going to list out what I have achieved so far.  1. Did central venous line on a 2.7kg infant and the procedure was uneventful  2. Handled a complication professionally and although it is still ongoing, I think I did well (no one will ever know the amount of sleepless nights I had) 3. Overcome my fear by doing the same procedure again a few times and acknowledging the fact that I don't have to blame myself over and over again  4. Presented on a national level event, had stage fright but I...

 My last post had a negative note to it and after writing it I do not feel good about it. If I were to view it from a different angle, I am lucky to have my parents alive and still around me to dote on me although sometimes their love suffocate me. I cannot change the way they love me but I can change how I deal with it. For example tonight mom asked me if I am home from work and I only saw her message after an hour. I texted her back saying I’m home and not to worry and I hope she have slept and true enough she have as my messages couldn’t get through. In some way, my not replying immediately have train them to let go a little. I believe someday if my parents leave this world, I will definitely miss having their name appear on my phone and I will definitely miss them infinitely!  Yes sometimes I do forget to count my blessings just like how I seem to forget the spiritual nourishment that I am supposed to observe in order to have a balanced life. God seems to be so far from my...

 Dear young self,  I wish I could visit you and tell you that nothing is impossible. I wish I could have saved you from your over bearing parents. The effects of your upbringing have certainly crippled you in achieving your life goals and also impaired your judgment when selecting a life partner. You were raised with an employee’s mindset and is made to take orders and to please others while learning to keep your wants and needs aside. Things will not get better by being obedient and it will only aggravate the actions of others. I felt like telling you this because I am going to stay with them soon and I really am not looking forward to it after what happened last Saturday.  Well my seniors invited me to a place called Bar Abong, like the name suggests it is a bar serving alcohol and it also serve dinner which comprises of fusion dishes. Our parents did not let me drive there on my own as they were worried I couldn’t get a parking spot which was a real concern as Saturday...

 Hello readers, I am back!  I doubt anyone will visit this blog anymore, as it has been inactive for half a year. I do think knowing someone out there is reading does drive me to write more and share more of my experiences and views on things. I noticed I barely write ever since I privatized my blog and I spent more time gaming to a point I felt like I am actually addicted to playing gunboundM.  It is going to be my one year anniversary joining the amazing game clan and somehow I feel really comforted to have met amazing players and a few of them even gives me useful life hacks that are beyond the game. I made a few friends there and one of my goal to actually go visit their country someday and meet them in person and play the game in real life! That would be exciting! Even so given my introverted personality in real life, I guess keeping things just within the virtual world might be a better option. I find it pretty scary to actually face real people and probably the int...

 Yesterday while playing 3 chance world boss, I noticed Icy was online playing too. I couldn't help notice as he was just below my rank after I completed world boss. I no longer feel the sense of heartache I used to feel, instead I find myself silly to have shed so much of tears and feel so much of pain previously. He was not worth it as he himself admit that he was bad on purpose as he was hurt before and would not want to get hurt anymore. I do not wish to become a collateral damage to other people's irresponsible management of their own emotions. However I realize I used too much of heart in my encounter with people in general. It is true I am a fickle character as I do dislike humans in general yet when I interact with one I will give my best and my heart goes along with it.  Anyway since the encounter with Icy, I am very careful with how I interact with others be it in real life or in the game. Even so my fragile heart is shattered a little when Bubbles (the teacher I loo...

 认识了才会喜欢，喜欢了就想一直联络。其实也没有别的想法，就很喜欢和这个人聊天。 可是觉得他不想和我聊了，简讯也不回复了。他是一个好男人，也许知道我已婚，想与我保持距离。这就是所谓的边界感吧。其实我很想做永远的小孩，想和谁交朋友就和谁交朋友，单纯的喜欢和对方相处。我接受老公和我的话题越来越少因为我们的爱好和兴趣都不一样。我其实很努力的去接触他感兴趣的事，可是我发现其实我不是很能接受他的喜好。我尊重他，可是我也没必要跟随他把时间花费在学风水/玄学的事。感觉风水师有点骗人的感觉，收费又很贵，到最后也不见得我们的生活品质有任何的进步。说到那些电子货币/上网交易的事，更让我对另一半感到失望。上了无数的课，也没有任何结果。时常给一样的理由- 没时间/ 没金钱。 那么，别学了呀。学了不运用等于白学。  我喜欢比较踏实的人，可惜老公就是一个不够踏实的人。回到家乡我发觉我可以没有老公陪着我，我可以过着一个人的生活。唯有限制我的是我的家人。 有时被他们爱也是一种折磨。我已经是个中年人了，感觉好像有个隐形的枷锁把我的自由夺走。我真的好累。我是不是应该想尽办法脱离？我需要离乡背井去外地工作吗？有些人虽然很重要可是我得学习把他们放下。有些人一点都不重要可是我依然想念这些不重要的人因为他们填了我心里的那个空洞。  痛， 我的心真的很痛。