Sweetie's World

 I am not able to focus on my basic goals. I just want to be in a state of enjoyment all the time and it is getting to unhealthy levels. I managed to not play games for 24 hours, just 24 hours and when I started playing, I feel ecstatic. Is this addiction? Addiction is a brain disorder and it is defined as indulging oneself in the same activity even if it causes harm to oneself. I did achieve my goal to be promoted to legend 2 in the game but the amount of games I played last month was shocking, 600 plus games? Of course not all are score mode and some were duel battles that lasts around 2 minutes. Even so it is just unhealthy. There are a few things I need to do and complete within this month and perhaps stating it here will drive me to do them? 1. Graduation preparation: book flight tickets, hotel, plan my journey during graduation (zero motivation because I didn't want to spend money just for graduation but my parents insist I attend my graduation, I just  don't feel the ex...

 I often stray away from God because I am human, and as human, it is our nature to be lost in our own desires. Often, we only seek God or spiritual aid when we feel we are incapable of achieving our goals. I think I was my most spiritual self when I badly wanted to pass my examination and had prayed hard almost day and night for it. It is close to 10 months since I have passed and since then I have neglected those people who have been praying for me. I did not keep in touch, although my uncle still sends me daily good morning texts. I ignored the daily prayers my mom sent me because I feel I am at the point in my life where things are comfortable and static. However I dislike static, stable yes but what is the meaning of life if it is static?  My spiritual friend, yes I shall call him that. The person who reconnected with me from the game have deleted his account again as he would love to focus on living life and suggested I did the same. I definitely could not entirely stop g...

 最近和我崇拜的玩家玩游戏，是他先邀请我玩游戏。他就是鼎鼎大名的III。我问他取这个昵称有啥意思吗？他说是随便取的。昨天可能我太困了，在我们第一局的游戏就失误了很多，他就说“你这样玩我就不玩啦”。我看了这句就知道他开始生气了。因此我打完后就和他说“不玩了，拜拜，谢谢你”。他却以为我生气了。我一点都没生气，只是觉得没有信心了，也不想给自己太多的压力。想着想着我莫名其妙的哭了，觉得为什么自己每次玩游戏都被别人嫌弃。 今天早上他问我要不要玩，我其实想玩可是还是担心自己状态不佳所以只好拒绝了。这是我第二次为了游戏而哭，想起来是有点笨。或许我哭是因为想把负面情绪释放，哭完后就没事了。 蓬松的龙说我好笑怎么整天和脾气不好的人组队，明知会难过还和他们玩。我想我是不是时候充值打游戏呢？只要我充值肯定能有好的装备然后就可以单打了。谁叫我在乎赢率，有时想回到从前的我，只在乎娱乐不在乎胜率。能回到以前，我想打野就打野而不是像现在那么害怕打野被野人坑。  我该充值吗？ 对了，老师好像都不再微信我了不在和我分享生活的点点滴滴。感觉他渐渐的疏远了。 

 我可以坏一点吗？ 可以为自己而活，不再做个乖乖女好吗？ 今天和同事聊天就说到同事一个人去旅行， 另一个还花了5万到了南极洲， 看了企鹅。 重点是她们都是单身女孩一个人去旅游。我好羡慕她们能自由选择自己要去的地方，毫无约束的去做想做的事。我就算一直和父母说想自己一个人玩，他们都不让我去。 这样的生活好累呀！  那天我误会了老师以为他不耐烦我每次在游戏里打招呼让他分心。 可能我很敏感，感觉他真的有点嫌我烦，也有可能我多想了。 反正我现在就是不敢和他打招呼了也感觉好像我们没有之前那么好， 才十天就感觉我们之间越来越疏远。 上一次我主动聊天是上个星期二，也感觉他没想和我聊就说了两句。在共同的游戏群里我们也没互动。 我想要维持的友情就这样渐渐疏远了吗？  另外我最近和我最欣赏的玩家玩，他真有想法也敢带着装备差的我打游戏。 只是有点后悔我不小心透露了心事给他听， 也说了好多不该说的话， 就聊天两次说了一大堆东西。 现在想把话收回来也收不回来了。 非常后悔。 我也被其中一个玩家在微信拉黑因为他的老婆不开心。 这个玩家是他加我微信而且我们除了游戏的事其他事都没说。 我也无所谓的因为我了解有些人就是没安全感。 这样的女生我也不是没见过， 以前失去知己也是因为他的另一半对我没安全感。 我也不想打扰别人的生活所以只要遇到这样的情况我都会马上断绝关系。 可能老师最近恋爱了，毕竟他是个单身的男子，又是个好人，一定有很多异性会喜欢上的。 好啦，他不想和我来往我也只好回到陌生人的位置。  晚安， 我不是个寂寞的人。 

 Tonight I managed to play a single game with the teacher! After trying to pair so many times, we only met once, unlike yesterday, when we met twice. Too bad it is so random! I keep waiting to see his display picture every time I wait patiently to be matched into the same game. Anyway, yesterday I only managed to help him win 1 out of the 2 games. Today I'm glad that despite only 1 game, I managed to help him win. He later told me that my act was so fake that his face turned red. I told him he must look cute with a red face and then explained that my hand slipped, and that is why I missed. I would have won the game if I killed him, but I chose to let him win since he is doing tasks.  I do feel happy that he actively said hi today and also bye in-game. I know it could also mean nothing but somehow I felt he was ignoring me when he never even bothered to say bye yesterday. I guess not everyone is meticulous and sensitive. My long-lost friend, however, is rather sensitive, but to...

 It is rather rare to get a phone call from my husband when I am at work. However I do Love getting phone calls from him as it makes me feel that I am on his mind and that is why he is calling me. Yesterday during my oncall he gave me a call just to ask my opinion on the type of color he should choose for our back door. I find it rather cute that he includes me in all these decisions despite me not staying with him. Furthermore that is his house although I often call it as our house, I do not have any legal share in owning the house. Today he gave me a call again to ask about the color I prefer as yesterday was mainly about the door varnish and the sales person recommends we give the door some painting before applying varnish.  We both agreed on the same varnish and as for the color we went for brown honey. I do look forward to see how our door looks. I do miss seeing the surroundings of the house with the CCTV but now since the CCTV is not working I feel so disconnected from ...