Sweetie's World

* This blog is solely my feelings and it doesn’t require any likes or judgment nor does it need to be read by anyone. We all need an outlet and this is my outlet and the space where I feel safe to write what I want to, freely, without any restrictions.   Funny, daily affirmation message for today was “I am who I am. Your approval is not needed.”  It’s a leap year today and I believe those who are celebrating their birthdays will be feeling extra special today. I do wonder if they tend to get bigger gifts since they do not get to receive birthday gifts every year. I happened to just listen to a short interview on the television while having a short break in the pantry today and a pair of twin sisters were lamenting on the sadness they had felt not being able to celebrate their birthday yearly. I guess birthdays are pretty commercialised and we are taught to celebrate them since young (most of us). I used to feel very special on birthdays and felt like I was the main character because my

“生气是拿别人的过错来惩罚自己” 今天丈夫依然和我说声早安，好像昨天什么都没发生过。我想这是我们“处理“问题的方式。也许是因为两个人都没时间和精力吵架所以最多就是”冷“了一瞬间。 我自己也很讨厌冷战， 也重来不喜欢对我爱的人冷战。有时我想我们在世界的时间已经很短了，万一突然走了，对方不是会很难过和后悔吗？ 我不想让我的身边的人不好受，更不要浪费时间在负面的情绪里徘徊。虽然我有点不懂为什么有些人可以一时对我好一时就消失然后突然又出现。我不是你的玩具，如果你不想再浪费时间和我做朋友那就各走各的路。 我虽然对你有好感，也一直都关注你和随时都愿意聆听你的心事，可我也有我的自尊。你的一举一动只让我了解原来你所对我说过的都变成谎言。今天你突然来的一个简讯我也不再感到惊喜，反而我都不明白你为何发个毫无意思的简讯给我， 我也不想去猜测你的目的。  我是一个幸运的人，就算我丈夫给不到我要的爱和关注，我自己可以更爱自己。我答应自己不要做个唠叨的妻子所以就算我看得到他的弱点， 我也让他自己去撞墙因为我很清楚就算好好的说他还是会给我很多理由很多借口。我也很开心他让我下定决心回家乡上班。 现在凡是有人问我接下来要到哪里上班，我就马上回答我要回沙巴！其实我是因该回去的，之前还没当医生之前我说过如果我顺利当医生，一定要为我自己家乡的人服务。 这样我也可以开始每天冥想我回家的生活，很快的我一定可以实现我这个梦想！我也要一直让自己记得，丈夫很没有责任感的让我受很多的委屈。世界上从来没有让我受委屈的是父母。我回去就能好好孝顺他们，带他们旅行，天天一起吃早餐和晚餐 - 多么幸福呀！  大雨后的空气是特别的清新，就像我现在的心情一样。所以这次的”吵架“让我更确认我要的生活，我要的未来! 宝贝，我就让你过你喜欢的单身生活，别想我咯！ 这首 歌陪我入眠，晚安 ^^

结婚一年多了，一直都觉得对方是爱我的，不会让我吃苦。 我错了。  那么多年一直相信他若是还没立业是不可能和我求婚， 因为恋爱的过程中他说过等到有十万的储蓄才会想结婚。我想我一定不会活得很幸苦因为他一定能让我们在经济上很稳定。我的好朋友很年轻时就写了有关爱情和面包的事， 他描述了没有面包根本就做不了很多浪漫的事。我也认同，因为只要有钱我们才能有很多选择权。 可是我是个笨女人，我从来没有花我男人的钱，也从来不问我的男人到底有多少钱。我觉得我们都是青梅竹马，感情是真实的。我还是个少女时，都很渴望能像别的女孩在情人节收到鲜花或礼物，可是我都没机会体会那些因为我爱的人不相信情人节这种东西。  今晚心里终是有很多的遗憾。早上丈夫发了一个视频给我看，标题是 “人妻好吃不黏牙” 就是一位叫“空姐姐”录的视频。 我看了我就和他说我明白别的男人对我好很有可能有别的目的。 我一个同事，我叫他“痒痒男” （因为他很色）也和我说过男人和女人是不能做朋友因为到最后男人只想把女人给睡了。我觉得这个想法很恶心，真的不能和异性做朋友吗？我有和丈夫提出我需要更多的关照，希望他能主动联络我，能给我个出乎预料的来电或简讯。 可是聊下去我们就意见不合。他说他很忙最好是设定一个我们两个人都有空的时候来联络，我听了很生气感觉自己小小的要求他也不能为我实现。结婚了一段时间，我想如果他在我的感情需求不能满足我，那么我留在他身边当布置品吗？他说他要的是我的支持而不是抱怨， 很多事不是他不要做而是暂时做不到， 他这个解释我接受不了。  当初不是不要我吃苦的吗？钱财上我还是自己独立养自己， 那我要求他给我一点他的时间和关心他还要谈条件，他心里到底有没有我？到最后我说没关系，我觉得空虚，觉得寂寞时自己会上网玩游戏和游戏里的人聊天。他也说了一句 “Ok" 然后我也不再多说了. 我还以为晚上我们下班后他会打个电话认错或陪我，可是他没有。我真的很后悔和一个固执的男人结婚。其实到最后每个我认识的男人都是一样的， 说的话和行动并不一致。“空姐姐”说得对，女人认真就输了。 我真的很累。我知道不能随意说离婚，我也没提过，可是今天我真的很想离婚。 这次我真的不要让步了，他欺骗了我没给我一个好生活，结婚真的只是一张纸 - 这也是他自己说过的一句话。我不想伤我们双方的家人，也许现在我还是带着情绪写这一切，今晚我们彼此没联络也许是件好

 I did it! I did a percutaneous tracheostomy without any complications and had a great time learning 2 different techniques and familiarizing myself with the ultrasound view of the tracheal rings. I think despite being busy, having procedures to do makes me extra happy at work. Almost did interscalene block but the patient refused. Toward the end of the day, things got a little out of hand as I had to face an angry shouting surgeon and also bullying at work. I am not sure how to solve the matter of bullying and have discussed it with the "victim" regarding some options available. As for the shouting surgeon, I felt gleeful that I could tell it to his face to "stop shouting" in a calm and composed manner. I know asking him to "stop shouting" would only fluster him more but that was my actual motive. Academically he may be in a high position but the scenario just now was like an adult telling a child to "stop shouting". Maybe he has some undiagnose

The universe is such that it loves to throw challenges whenever you are all set for a goal. It is only day 7 of intermittent fasting and today somehow everyone wants to give me food. I am aware of the food served at grand ward rounds and had packed some for me to enjoy later besides it is the food that all of us pre-paid for the entire year. Like usual it is mostly carbohydrates with some vege and a tiny piece of honey roasted chicken. The combination of all the condiments makes it into a dish called “nasi kerabu” (I don’t know what is the English name but it taste really good). So I was thinking my meal for today is settled and I no longer need to think on what to eat. However while lounging at the pantry sipping my sugarless Hojicha, my professor happily gave me his packed Arabian rice (“nasi Arab”) and told me he had eaten. I couldn’t deny that the food looks super appetising and thus I happily accepted. I guess he saw how happy I was with the food and proceed to give me a portion o

I am really at peace with many things and the resultant effect is that I no longer feel sad about the past when I think about it. I have always respected everyone's privacy and although I would never keep any photos from the past or any photos that were shared between us, my mind's memory stores them well. I would not call it jealousy but somehow images with body contact (with another person) made me feel easier to let go because it was a reminder that I could never share similar proximity with you (it is wrong anyway). The times I was missing you and thinking of you and did not hear from you, you were spending it in the embrace of another person. This thought that I formulated myself made it simpler for me to let go. You did rationalize it was because I blocked you but I left certain ways for you to reach me but you did not attempt to do so and I realize you are not going to try. Discord was the only place where I never blocked you but deleted you as a contact. I wish I had se

I have been wanting to know why the highlight of similarity had caused some form of attraction previously. I am glad to know it is not because I was easily attracted and there are valid explanations. I read this article which gave me a lot of insight into why we tend to like people who seem similar to us. It was interesting to find out that for romantic couples in long-term relationships, it is the perceived similarity that plays a bigger part in maintaining the feelings of liking each other. It makes me wonder if we manipulate our own minds to think in that manner. Then again, it is true that despite me and my husband being so dissimilar in many ways, we do have a lot in common when it comes to morals, beliefs, faith, hobbies, food etc. Spending more time with him made me realize that our characters made us very distinct from each other but there is so much that brings us together.  I started to understand the reason he often advises me not to disclose so much of my likes and dislike

Happy Dragon Year!  This years reunion dinner was a special one for me. Sometime I do feel that the universe knows what I need and made it a dream come true for me. I have always felt divided about having to choose where to eat my reunion dinner - my parents house or his parents house. Naturally by tradition a daughter is expected to spend reunion dinner at her in laws place with her husband. I wonder what about those couple with only a single married daughter, wouldn’t it be lonely on Chinese New Year’s Eve?  I think my mother in law understands my feelings and I am so glad that this year she invited my parents and siblings to have reunion dinner together. For me this is the best reunion dinner ever because I have all my near and dear eating, laughing and sharing stories together. My father in law manage to joke with me when he distributed red packets to my siblings and look at me and say “none for you” in a joking manner and after that handed me red packet which is what we called 压岁钱

3 February 2023 - "This is the very beginning of your legendary conversation with (name)"  We were strangers and then we became acquaintances, quickly progressing into friendship and finally lovers. Indeed we were very much lovers if we were to dissect the things we did. The frequency of interaction and the contents of our conversations involve updating each other on the daily norms of our lives. We know each other's schedule so well as if it were our own schedules. Then it became habitual and there was some form of anticipation and to an extent dependency. I would feel extreme happiness whenever I hear from you and curiosity when I don't hear from you. Unknowingly you planted roots in my heart and a few months back, I thought those roots were so deep that if anything or anyone tried to uproot them from me, it would tear a significant portion of my heart just like a partially healed scab where it continues to bleed when it is being peeled. You did point out that the r

今天在四点二十六分我们将会进入立春，也就是甲辰龙年的第一天，也就是新的一年！   昨晚罗一鸣师傅给了很多立春该做的事。   首先老师说今年要多多礼让，要热诚，有礼貌。   今年的新年也鼓励穿火的颜色，比如桃红色。   今天四点二十六分到五点有几样重要事情必须实行来启动我们接下来二十年的财库。   1 ）   去踏青 - 不需要穿鞋子，用脚去踏踏青草吸收大地的能量。 2 ）   在屋子正中央烧火炭。大约十五分钟到半个小时就行了。   3 ）   把家里的窗口或门打开。   可是要根据方向：   西南边  -  九运最旺 东边  -  人缘、贵人 北边  -  财库 东南边也可以 没有窗口真么办？   向西南冥想许愿。   4 ）家里的饭桶一定要满满的然后有放铜钱是最好的 5 ）   在自己的保险箱加钱 6 ）   把自己睡的床单，枕头盖拿去嗮太阳。   到六点就好了，就嗮个意思。   7 ）   引动财库 -  就根据老师给的列表去转账 （想知道列表就点击 这里 ） *以上的资料如果有任何错误请别怪我，我只是按照我昨晚记录下来的笔记写下来 今天我本人不在自己的家可是幸好我的亲人愿意为我做以上的事。   我们大家一起过一个丰盛富裕的一年！   开开心心去开运，   龙年大吉！  

Yesterday I received a good news in my email. I badly wanted to share the good news with those who are dear to me but somehow I couldn’t. I shared it with my family and they congratulated me. I was expecting a better response from my partner but I guess he is too busy and just gave a thumbs up reaction to my post in the family group. Each one of my family member congratulated me and dad even joke that whatever prize I’m getting I should share it with him. I think if I share it with my “twin”, he would have been more engaging and supportive. I have no doubts at all on how he would responded because I could predict his response since we are too similar. Anyway I really did not expect the good news and I read the email a few times as the only reason I had submitted an entry was to show support by participation and that was my only goal.   I am exceptionally happy as I finally purchased the Valentine’s Day turtle skin on Gunbound mobile and also a Valentine’s Day pet which has the ability