Sweetie's World

It’s been 10 years since I fade away from your life. Some series of events lately made me think of you. I used to feel sad when I think of how we drift apart but now I think it was the best thing for you and thus I am happy. Rewinding back to yesteryears I realise we were all so innocent and friendships were made of steel. Despite us being different genders we remained good friends and proved that a girl and a guy can still be the best of friends without having any romantic thoughts. However I can finally understand why back then your crush was so insecure about me.   We spent so much of time together and did a lot of crazy things together and if I have to list down 10 best memories it would be these 10:  Walking in the rain with our raincoats on and umbrella. I still remembered the colour of the raincoats it was yellow and pink. Jogging in the evening and doing stretching together and very rarely go to the the swimming pool. Participating in fear factor university version and we won a

Since we are in different worlds, I am learning to rearrange my life. It is easier to think that we are at different universe, that way it is only rational that we couldn’t communicate. I still can’t help missing you at times despite knowing I should put every memory to rest. My phone asked me to send a text to you and everytime I typed “you” in my chinese simplified keyboard your name appears. I’m not sure how long will it take for me to be the person before we met. Don’t get me wrong, you did enhanced my life and made my life better. I just need to train myself to live without you. I am intelligent enough to know from the time I reciprocated to your feelings that it can’t go on forever because I already have my forever and we won’t lasts yet the irrational me wanted to live in the moment and disregard the warnings my guts were sending me. Rereading some of our messages I think the words that gives me comfort was from the pinned message “maybe the universe wanted us to meet to allow u

Ephesians 5:22-33   It’s been many years since I listen to sermons and yet this verse seems to leave a long lasting impression. I recalled the elders in the church was preaching that God knows our problems and He knows that in a marriage the wives have problem submitting to their husbands and the husbands have problem loving their wives. That was the main reason why the bible verse was made so. Now as a married person I could understand and value the verse better. If only most marriages could apply those verse, I think the rate of broken marriages would definitely reduce.  I recalled how I felt back then reading those verse. In my feminist mind, I was thinking “oh typical verse most likely written by a man, making women inferior by having to submit to their other half”. I think the elders were telepathic and I was told that to submit doesn’t make you a lesser person or inferior to your partner. Instead it means to be a supportive role as the husband is the head of the house. Makes a lo

I had a dream last night and it was a peculiar dream. I dreamt of sneaking into another person’s room despite in real life that is impossible as the windows have grills and it wasn’t at the ground floor. Come to think of it, I never get to ask which floor you are staying at.  It feels just like yesterday when we video called and you showed me your surroundings and later on gave me a tour of your entire living space. This action itself made me felt your openness and I felt very comfortable and at peace to interact with you. It is the same familiarity now that made me feel a nagging sense of lost. In my dream I dreamt that I was living in the next unit and somehow there’s a small platform jutting out just beneath our windows and I hop across to go into your room. However it didn’t look the same as it was before. There was the cupboard and the bed but the computers, table and chair were missing and the room did not house any of your belongings.  I caught a glimpse of you passing by the pa

Lately I came to a realisation that I have never fought any internal battles on my own. Whenever I am faced with difficult emotions there is always someone to guide me through, someone to give me reassurance and all I need to do was to fall back on the affirmations I received. Naturally I became reliant on others and I have no abilities to cope with complex emotions on my own.   The people who always showed compassion and held me through ups and downs were either my better half, family or close friends. However out of everyone I often seek validation from my better half as he has an excellent emotional quotient and I admire his wisdom and level headedness. I feel safe to tell him everything and I never feel judged by him no matter what kind of predicament I am in. Believe me there are things in life I wish I could undo but despite my flaws he accepted me for who I am and still trusts me.  Unfortunately, in the journey of revealing it all to him, I inadvertently became selfish and I see

Love overcomes the folklore says  Patient and kind it never sways  Gentle yet strong in many ways  Once found it is here to stay A sense of respect with burning passion Laced with yearning and obsession We were souls with separate mission Till love binds us to a common vision  It weaves the strings of our hearts Into a textile of beautiful art  Convincing us never to part Love always have a good start    Your presence did make my life better Daily greetings were an energy booster The strength Love gives never waver   Loving each other was default by nature    Deep down I wished that you were mine  Our encounter felt Sustainable and Divine  Sadly fate had other plans in mind  Diverging our roads with each passing time As memories and emotions are intertwined  It aches a lot yet it plays on rewind A price to pay for crossing the line Knowing you will never be my Valentine   Words and actions could never explain  This grieve is like a stubborn bloodstain A void in my heart will always rem