Sweetie's World

Today was a pleasant day at work as it started off with the mortality meeting being postponed. I usually do not fancy starting my day discussing about mortalities and I think it would be best to discuss it during midday or near the end of the day. The good thing about being in a learning environment is that superiors here are more professional and rarely blames anyone whenever an adverse event occurs but they ensure that it is being discussed within a short time frame from the incident to ensure everyone learns from it. However there will still be one or two superior who loves finding fault and adopt the blame culture. sometimes they do not intend to blame but their choice of words can be quite demotivating. Instead of saying "you should have" I think saying "in the event of such situation, the best action would be". It is the same message but it makes the person listening feel much better as the second sentence is neutral. Maybe I am too sensitive but I felt annoye

I just saw a quote a few days back - "You may lend yourself to others but never give yourself to anyone". I find it inspiring and it serve as a reminder that I should always look at my own needs first before deciding to do any acts of kindness. However I find it rather hard to reject anyone who has a valid reason and if I am aware that I am within the capacity to help, despite being at a slight disadvantage, I would still offer my help. I am still learning on how to assess the situation and do the right thing for the best of everyone, including me. I recalled back in university, the English proficiency exams was done in groups of 4 and we were being assigned randomly. I realize one of the member was not performing well so when the examiner asked us to wrap up, I gave her the chance of speaking even though I know I could do a better job. I'm not sure if it was the right move because it did pull the group marks down but at least it probably improved her score. I think I did

Tonight the weather is rather cold and I was feeling hungrier than usual. I was feeling a little guilty to eat as I did not run for a week due to the rainy weather and busy schedule. I somehow passed through my week completing all relevant task and had catch up doing some overdue work such as my logbook. I guess documentation is my most dreaded tasks and if I could hire a personal assistant to do that for me, I would. Despite not exercising, I was rather thankful when my friend invited me to dinner as I am craving for some freshly cooked chinese cusine. When my friend picked me up, I noticed he brought another friend along and did not introduce us and I did not bother to introduce myself too as they seem to be talking non stop regarding gas stations and benefits of applying some sort of card. I did not feel awkward but I felt a little left out initially until suddenly the new person started to ask me how did I find the place I am renting and how much was the rent. So without any introd

I have officially closed a beautiful chapter of my life. Despite some of the things that I wish did not happened, I choose to remember the things that were right, the things that were pure, the things that makes me smile whenever I recall them. I have also begun to forgive myself by my daily recitation of the ho'oponopono. Words are indeed powerful and it was your words that had pulled the golden string of my heart. I find subtle changes in my life when I started to forgive myself. First of all, I feel I could focus better on what is important, secondly I no longer feel depressed and lack of energy and lastly but most importantly, I feel more present and mindful. Letting go is really so important although it was so hard and soul shattering. Now I understand why my friend had given me "pheonix" as a nickname during the difficult times in my life. If you observe the life cycle of a pheonix, it shows that these mythical creatures build their grave and perish in flames and th

“When two people decides to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they “don’t understand” one other, but a sign that they have, at least, begun to.” - Helen Rowland People always say marriage is a lot of hard work and it isn’t easy yet many of us still decide to get married. I never knew how heavy the responsibility is to have a ring placed on my ring finger and how much it changes me as a person. I was afraid of getting married because I was afraid of the possibility of having a divorce. I often thought that as long as I do not get married, there will never be a possibility for a divorce. The reason I am afraid of divorce stems from my personal believes that a woman’s capability is measured by how well she can manage her household. Perhaps it is very traditional and old fashioned but I do think that there’s a reason why Mother Nature is called “mother” instead of “father” because women play a better role in nurturing, giving and caring. Women rely more on their emotions and intuition an

Today I feel like writing a letter to him because I miss him towards the end of my day and it is without a reason. So here it goes:  Hey, today I suddenly miss you a lot and I look back at our conversations which is now buried under a list of channels which are quite redundant. It was wonderful and sweet to reminisce the way we interacted and I smiled at most of the contents. The last photo of you was the one in the white shirt and ripped jeans and you looked really handsome and charming. Of course I clicked onto your profile wondering if you have any new photos uploaded or if there's any new status. I found that the hearts in my favorite colors were no longer there and it has revert back to the original. It is good and it reminded me of the time when I first got to know you, that was your status. I'm glad that you are removing traces of me in your life because I always believe that the block you have in getting your dream relationship is because you keep too much of the past m

 Do you believe in Feng Shui? I do believe in it and I gave myself a chance to learn by attending a 3day free Feng Shui course online to have a better understanding. Despite the course being free, it does provide a lot of insight and value. The master was very charismatic and the main selling point for his methods is the ability to be in synchrony with the current way of living. He debunked many old-fashioned methods that had no proper basis and highlighted that Feng Shui is not about superstition. I used to feel a slight disappointment towards those who are too deeply involved in such believes because I did not understand the basis of it and it had no logic to it. However, what the mind does not know, the eyes will not see and the heart will never accept. I had a lot of doubts when I was dating my other half because his background involves believing in these things that I often thought were non-scientific and silly. I also often tell him if the Feng shui master is able to use Feng Shu

Today is the birthdays of 2 of my family members and it is also the 58th year of independence for Singapore. With the availability of internet, I was able to celebrate with my family via video call. Although they are having a much scrumptious meal as compared to my take away meal, just being able to see them while having dinner does make me feel as if I am sharing the same space with them. We are approximately 3600km apart yet it felt so near and it does nurse my homesickness that I constantly feel each day. I think I am quite a homely person and being far away from home is never easy for me despite having the experience of living a nomad life for more than half of my lifetime. If there is one thing that I wish to have in the future, it would be to settle down at one place and plant my roots firmly on that particular place till the grim reaper comes. I do love to travel but at the end of the day I would prefer to spend the major portion of the year being at a place where I can call hom

 “如果没有方向，往哪里走都是前方” 现在的我好像在浓雾中寻找出路。 我觉得我并没有执着， 我只是觉得有时候好像还在梦境里。我依然想念着一些过去。好好的问自己到底想的是什么。 我可以问心无愧的说我想的并不是爱情，而是友谊。 我一直在折磨自己，觉得自己好像一直在犯错因为心里还是有他。 闺蜜都说我必须斩草除根把他忘得一干二净因为他只是个过客。 可是这并不是我对待一份感情的方式。由于自己的确在爱情世界里出轨了，所以觉得自己是个贱女人。 我觉得我需要把这个想法改掉，给自己个改过自新的机会， 不要再给自己贴上负面标签。仔细的想，我怀念的是一起用Discord玩游戏， 听听他分享他如何对待他的学生（他的分享是很有趣， 当他成功突破一些难搞的学生我会替他感到开心）， 突然得到他的一个来电（我是一个喜欢聊天的人，自然会感到很开心有人愿意花时间和我聊天），我难过时他懂得安慰我， 陪我看戏（真的没想过一起上网看戏时间好玩的事）。这一切其实我的丈夫也能为我做， 除了玩游戏和看戏因为我丈夫完全不喜欢玩游戏，也没时间陪我看戏，天天都过着时间不够用的日子。自从他不在我生活里出现了，我觉得就少了一点我每天都能期待的事。这些期待也许是新鲜感，同时也是因为我们有太多相似的想法， 聊起来就好像找到知音。就算不能每天联络 （每天和异性联络对于一个有夫之妇也不对吧就算没有暧昧），只需要知道他还是我的朋友，我们还是能偶尔沟通，我会好受多了。  可是亲爱的，要成长就必须愿意尝一尝一些难受的滋味因为这是成长的代价。我是一个吃不了苦的人， 习惯在温室里成长，一直都依赖着我生命里可靠的家人，爱人，知音来呵护我。我不知不觉也连累了很多人来帮我克服自己心里的障碍。 知音忙了一整天值班然后到了咖啡馆想休息放松心情，却得花半个小时在电话里听我哭个痛快 （这是第一次默默的离开他的时候）。 弟弟也花了很长的时间开导我，因为弟弟比我结婚更久我觉得他能帮我解开心里的结。父母对我感到失望，但还接受我爱着我，没有放弃我。丈夫更不用说了，被伤的人是他可是还必须理智的面对一个被自己的感觉蒙蔽了思考能力的我。 他不是圣人，我觉得迟早他那颗纯洁善良的心也会被我伤透。我当然不要继续下去连累我身边重要的人，更不要他们瞧不起我，这么大的一个人了还不能自己解决一些芝麻绿豆的事。之前觉得他们对我的呵护然我有点窒息的感觉是因为我一直给他们的印象是一个无法

I always believe that every encounter in this universe is not a coincident. Last few days I met a lot of people, some were new people and some were people I know from the past. Due to the limited time I did not get to mingle and talk much with the people I know from the past let alone take photos with them. I was just living in the moment and any photos taken during the last few days were all captured by my friends. The only photos I took were the presentation slides that interests me. I was enjoying the time spent away from work although I technically spent 7 times the amount of whatever sponsor I received for the Pre-congress workshop. I never intended to attend the congress as it was held in the same venue again and I just travelled to the same city in less than a month ago. However life is full of surprises and making an impromptu decision to go for this congress was a great idea. During the congress, there are many exhibitions by drug and medical device companies. Since I am only

*spoilers ahead, please do not read if you have not watch the Barbie movie and have plans to watch it.* The place I am currently living does not permit the operation of cinemas which is rather absurd as the other states within the same country allows it. Personally I don’t fancy going to the cinema as I often think the seats are unhygienic, the sound system is too loud and sometimes there might be some horrid smell of pungent feet. However despite the downside of watching movies in public, going to the cinema for a good movie often makes up for whatever deficit the cinema has. Watching the trailer for Barbie, I think it would be a lighthearted, funny and girlie movie to watch with some girl friends. I initially planned for all of us to wear pink but due to the heavy traffic and time constrain we had to head to the cinema right after the congress in our professionally looking attires. We were almost late but as we entered the cinema the movie have just begun with a cheerful music introd

Do you believe in angels? Do you believe there is a greater power governing everything that is occurring in the universe? For me, I often believe in a greater power. It is this greater power that often guide me through the hardest of time.   Within the lasts 24 hours, I seem to have encounter the Angel number 3 times. During my Grab ride last night my estimated arrival time was 11:11 and today again the similar scenario occurred my estimated arrival time to the venue was 1:11. Just as I finished my discussion with my colleague and picked up my phone, the screen shows 11:11. Thank you universe for giving me reassurance via numbers, it is just what I needed. Things have come to a point where my partner suggests I see a psychologist and I was taken aback with his remark. I personally think I am not a weak person and I am able to overcome whatever emotions I am experiencing. I just wanted someone to listen to the contents of my heart, but he wants me to get my perception instantly fixed. I

You really attract what you think and feel. I know there are many tracking systems available which result in certain videos or advertisements being suggested to me. However the things I encounter lately were not being deliberately recommended by my electronic device. Over the weekend I decided to watch a random movie on YouTube and no doubt it was a good one but somehow it contains certain themes that added salt to my wounds. I was upset that the actress accurately resembled the way I felt. The movie was called “the storyteller” and I would say the plot was good and it leaves certain pieces for the audience to draw their own deductions yet it is not the kind of movie that leaves you hanging. I just don’t want to end up like the lady in the movie who writes her conflicted feelings into her journal and lies to herself maintaining a flawless facade. People who don’t know her might think she have everything under control just because she carries herself well. Only her near and dear ones kn

Stepping back and seeing things from the bird’s eye view only amplified my feelings of guilt and shame. I acknowledge that it was more of a lust driven relationship between a married woman and a man. How could I have confused it with Love? I would prefer to believe that it was purely Love but thinking back on certain actions and words I couldn’t help feeling degraded. I thought all that happened was a form of affection and it was an honour to have my physical form appreciated in such manner. I felt precious with the given attention and felt my presence was significant. However the more I probe my heart for explanations and answers, the more I realise I was insecure and insecurities was the root cause to a series of heartache.   I wish someone could give me answers but my best friend told me to stop looking for one and to move on with life. I did, I tried to be highly functional just like how I was during 3rd year medical school despite being extremely depressed. I always thought that w