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So this is Christmas

This year’s Christmas is peculiar but definitely better than last year. I could still feel the misery from last year when I recalled how I cancelled my trip to visit my husband in view of the bad weather and also news of a bus flipping over due to slippery roads just 3 days before my trip (it was the same bus company that I was planning to use). So last year I was all alone for Christmas and being in a place where wishing others “Merry Christmas” could be seen as an unacceptable action, I felt so disconnected and sad. To ensure the same thing do not recur, I set my mind to anyhow travel even if the weather is bad. Lucky for me, on the day I was travelling it was sunny and my trip was a pleasant one. I was greeted by my husband with food from McDonald’s as it is the only available food at 10pm and although it isn’t very healthy, I felt happy to know that he makes sure I don’t go hungry. We talked a lot on the way back home and planned our Christmas Eve dinner. 


Since it is so hard for me to go on a break, my holiday was extremely short and I had to travel back on Christmas Day which is right now. So we decided to celebrate on the eve instead and went shopping a day before Christmas Eve. Okay now I understand why I feel so tired as I seem to be travelling every single day except on Christmas Eve. We had a very simple celebration but I love every bit of the dinner as it was prepared meticulously by my husband and he even made a point to purchase nice looking candles and made it into a candle light dinner. He made me Greek style lamb chop with some leafy vegetables which he stir fried with garlic and we also added some roasted pork. As for the drinks we had palm wine. Actually I’m not sure what is it called but I Googled and I think to be more accurate it’s coconut wine as it is made from the sap of the coconut tree. It was kind of exciting for me as I have not drank coconut wine for 15 years and the last I had one was during the early days of our relationship. We both agree it didn’t taste much of the alcohol we were anticipating instead it was just sweet with a little bit of gas to indicate some sort of fermentation have taken place. 


I wanted to prepare gifts but didn’t have any time or maybe I should say I did not prepare well for Christmas this year. I was so caught up with work that everything that goes through my mind daily is my thesis correction (gosh I really hate this) and my final exams (it’s like my life purpose are only these). Everytime I am with my husband my mind is protected from work and I just feel a sense of peace and as a result I get extremely sleepy. Yes, I just feel sleepy all the time whenever I visit him and I wonder is it because all the stress is alleviated or is it because the fengshui at his place is so bad that it drains me of my energy. I couldn’t help entertain the second reason as the place he stays indeed have a lot of bad energy and a few inhabitants of that area have suffered from cancer or road traffic accidents that crippled them for life. We were supposed to move but due to financial constraint we are still unable to. I just hope that in half a year we will be able to move as I am concern on how the house fengshui is going to affect both of us. Besides his cousin seems to prompt us to move away and highlighted the consequences of staying in a place with bad energy. I think he cares enough to warn us and we should heed his advice. Besides I did observe my husband’s health to have worsen the past 1 year and it really scares me. 


Despite me not buying any gifts for my loved ones, I received gifts from my husband in the form of ketogenic chocolates and 5 pairs of earrings. I think he asked me what did I think of the earrings a few months back and I have told him not to buy them as they were clearly overpriced but somehow he just stubbornly purchased them. Although I do feel a little bit heartache that he have overspent, I felt happy that he is willing to buy me gifts and understands how much this celebration means to me. I am just so guilty as I still have not handed him his Birthday card which was due in April because I was having a mental affair with someone else. I thought I could finally hand him his card but the problem is there’s no decent card around me and the day we went shopping, I forgot about it. I have all the words I wanted to say to him but I just didn’t have the perfect card yet and it was supposed to be the first Birthday we celebrate as a married couple. 2023 is ending and I still have not complete this task which upsets me. He told me it’s alright and I can always give him his card before next year April. 


I am just thankful that despite having to travel back on Christmas Day, we manage to celebrate winter solstice together. We made glutinous rice balls with red bean paste fillings which he learnt how to make from YouTube. Today we thought we could spend some time making banana daifuku with the left over red bean paste but since there was news on road closure due to the rainy weather, we had to leave earlier to the bus station. I was quite sad with the sudden change of plans but I did anticipate it as yesterday itself I saw the news on floods and road closures but tried to ignore the facts and just enjoy the present moment as I know worrying for future events is unnecessary. However having some insight does help as I had all my things packed and we quickly left the house taking the new long route which is 2 hours extra. We manage to reach an hour earlier and had a decent dinner at a Chinese restaurant and then he sent me off. Before boarding the bus we had a heart to heart conversation to conclude this year. Both of us answered the following questions and we get to know each other better from answering the following: 


  1. What did you think you did best this year?
  2. What lessons did you learn this year? 
  3. What are your regrets for this year? 
  4. What do you plan for next year? 


So I guess everything happens for a reason, if we had spent the time making daifuku, probably I wouldn’t have had the thought or time to ask him the questions above. I just find it slightly weird to be travelling on Christmas Day but all is well. Again when I was worrying about the flood and worrying on his safety driving back, a car with the plate number 1111 appeared. I am really blessed and lucky for him the road that was closed was reopened as the    2meters height of water have dispersed and he is home safely as I am still about an hour away to reach my place. 


We will definitely continue to improve and do better in 2024. I shall see him next year ^^ <3 


Merry Christmas! 

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