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Strawberry Moon

Tonight a brilliant pink moon decorates the sky, it was supposed to be a “strawberry” moon since it is said to be pink but with the naked eye it just looks extra orange to me. I badly wanted to view the moon a little longer but the clouds had better plans of engulfing the moon’s beauty and shielding her from my lustful eyes. Indeed I find the moon to be a very attractive celestial object with lots of mystery. I once heard the elders say that people with mental illness tends to get extra psychotic during the full moon, I’m not sure what is the basis of that. Other than that we usually do not purchase crabs during the full moon as the bright moon light causes crabs to have difficulty to feed on their prey and are thus skinnier and less meaty. Some biodynamic farmers also uses the moon to time their farming activities. It just so happens that my ruling planet is the moon and maybe that is why I feel rather fascinated by it.   Lately someone have consulted me regarding their health and I w
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Disappeared

I wish there will be a day that I can free myself from the prison that I create. A prison where I am the only prisoner and my turbulent thoughts are my tormentors. There are times where I feel I have overcome a lot of emotions but then there is this sudden surges of heartache that comes uninvited. “Sudden misses” was what he used to say and I do not think it is healthy for me to miss someone who will never have anything to do with me for the rest of my life. Seeing the “deleted account” on discord was rather disheartening and it felt like the left over chats without his nick name becomes meaningless. Did he despise me so much? The way he treated me and the people who he ever cared for was so different. He held on to the memories he had with others but with me, it’s like I never existed. Well, these are all my side of the story and assumptions and whatever he did, is his right, for his own good. I guess the tactic of drowning myself in work doesn’t block out the things I want to block a
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Darkness

Are you afraid of the dark? I used to be afraid until I told myself that darkness is just the absence of light. Somehow it makes me less afraid when I think in this manner and any minute amount of light during darkness is often comforting. Similarly, I think loneliness is just the absence of companionship but the only difference is that even if I am surrounded by people, it does not bring comfort but aggravates the fact that I am unable to find someone who could synchronize well with me. For me, companionship is rather rare, and unless it is your spouse, it doesn't last forever as people move on to different stages of their lives. Therefore, if one is not able to find companionship in their spouse, it goes to say that they live a life that is quite lonely. Somehow as I am writing this, Lucy Wyndham-Read the YouTube fitness coach crosses my mind.  Lucy is an amazing person who has made lots of free videos on weight loss and healthy diets which are easy to follow and they do not take
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Apophenia

I finally found a term to explain what I was doing when I fell in Love. Or perhaps right now I still want to find reasons to explain myself but I actually couldn't because I acted purely on emotions and there were no rationalization or reason. Chapter 12 of the current book I am reading had the subheading called "Apophenia" and it demystified everything I had thought to be magical. It debunked all the things I thought were beautiful coincidences and I cringe as I read through the chapter as I could feel the entire chapter was describing my behavior so well. Everything so magical only had its magic because I had put magic into it. And to burst my bubble, all the coincidences were a routine part of life or just mere random chances.  I also learned a new term called "pareidolia". Speaking about pareidolia, I committed the error of thinking that the clouds had gathered in such a manner that it left a space of blue sky in the shape of a heart. Seeing that, I thought
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The Blue Whisper

Today I decided to watch the last few episodes of The Blue Whisperer, a Chinese drama that I have wanted to finish in 2022 but seems to have dragged on until now. The only reason I watch it is because it has Dilreba Dilmurat in it. I think she is the most perfectly created human being and is blessed with many creative talents such as acting, dancing, and advertising. I had to pause watching episode 41 after watching episode 40 as it made me teary and before I could regulate my emotions I started to cry uncontrollably. The last I felt immense heartache was a year ago and looking back I just feel that time passes so fast and I had spent quite a significant amount of time to free my heart. In the end, the whole theme was about people falling in love and sacrificing themselves in the name of duty and altruism, leaving their loved ones alone. This is what I could conclude so far but I have yet to watch the last episode and I am hoping the ending will be a happy one since in these fantasy dr
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Responsibility

 I’m so happy to be relieved of many duties as a registra as I have completed my registra posting and is demoted back to a normal officer. It does sounds weird I know but that is how it functions at the place I am doing my training so as to give other trainees the chance of doing registra calls. I thought I will be extremely happy and would celebrate but surprisingly I felt the celebratory effect only for a brief moment. Perhaps I do love the responsibilities and it felt great to be able to do almost 99.99% of the decision at work. It also reminds me of the reason why I wanted to further my studies and climb up the career ladder - so that I could have a part in making decisions. The posting also made me learn a lot of human nature and management skills. I’m not into administrative work and did not really enjoy it much but I know eventually I will have to be involved and the only thing I can do is to change my mindset and learn to love administrative work.  Maybe it is the nature of a f
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Greener on my side

  We often hear that the moon is brighter overseas or the grass is greener on the other side. However only when we actually experience the other side will we actually know if it is really better.   I find my neighbour to be absent for quite some time since my return from Singapore and it took me another 3 weeks to actually send him a text to ask if he was on a long vacation. He told me he got married and wanted to invite me but I was not around and have moved out to live with his wife. I often thought his room should be cooler as the sun only shines on one surface of the wall in the evenings whereas my room gets two surfaces exposed to sunlight. I also assumed his room would be more quiet as my room acts as a shield for the noise that comes from the main road. I also thought changing environment would be good for me. So I told the my landlord that I want to take a look at my neighbouring room.  Whatever I had assumed was correct. It was cooler, it was less noisy and it was much bigger
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