Skip to main content

My Feelings

Lately, I encounter many obstacles in life. Among the biggest of them all is believing in myself and being confident in myself. I would really love to blame my parents if I could but I know that "man becomes what he think of" and I have only myself to blame. I don't want to write about negative stuff but I do feel very insulted by my parents especially my dad.

"hopefully you can get a university placing, if you can't..." these are the words of my dad. Even my friends have faith that I can enter university and yet my own dad thinks otherwise. Am I really that bad? I feel very hurtful when my dad say things like this and it just makes me feel more and more inadequate. I have been stressing out about which university to go to and also endure so much of comments from relatives, friends and even outsiders.

Each time people see me they must ask about my future plans and then I will have to listen to them giving me advices and comments and most of all I have to hear all the discouraging words they utter. It is really hard and it makes me feel weak. I want to be strong and chose to believe what I want to believe but all these things are just killing my faith I have in myself.

I just wish people can stay out of my life and just interfere if they want to help me out. People these days are just too busybody or "kaypoh". I'm a "kaypoh" person myself at times and perhaps have pissed some people throughout my live too. I'm really sorry if I did but I really never mean to cause any negative effects.

I wish I can get a placing in a pleasant university as soon as possible and be on my own again, far from my family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family but living with them isn't as happy as I have imagined. Things changed throughout the years I wasn't home. I no longer have my own bedroom and sleep with my parents in their room and it tortures me as I value my privacy a lot.
Right now, I don't have any space in my own house where I can decorate it in my own taste.

Worst of all I don't even have a place to go to when I feel down. I don't like to let my parents seeing me feeling down cause they usually misinterpret things and make me more miserable. Take for instance last week, they talk about how hard to get into university again, I really hate listening to those negative remarks, it kills my appetite. Therefore, as natural as it can be, I kinda wanted sometime on my own to cry and I chose my parents bedroom cause no one was there. Fate however was teasing me as my mom came into the room and saw me cry, she then scolded me instead of consoling me which make me cry harder and it just turns uglier and uglier.

I love my mom but she can be a pain at times and the same goes to my dad and it also apply to my little brother. (Darn charlene, you have loads to complain) I hate to complain, and I hate it when I am still complaining even though when I am conscious that I am complaining. But what I am going to say is pure fact.

  • (After publishing my post I decided to omit the facts. I feel guilty and not loyal by complaining about my own flesh and blood...)

In short, I need to get into university then get a work and take charge of my life. Adolescence was more likely to be a piece of cake but Adulthood for me is a major breakthrough.

p/s: for those who care, please include me in your prayers that I passed my A levels with flying colours *smile

Comments

Boon said…
the only advise...

Be more confidence in urself!!!

Popular posts from this blog

Singapore

Continuation from yesterday’s post.  I finally ate the ice cream which is sandwiched between two wafers that I saw before and it was yummy because there’s like a huge block of ice cream and the wafer was thin. I chose peppermint chocolate and raspberry swirl. It was really fun to eat that on the helical bridge that totally looks like a DNA strand. I really love this region and it was also the same place where the fun run was held. So I got to go across the helical bridge twice. I am also very happy to finally seen the Merlion and since it was early in the morning during the fun run, the place was rather quiet and there were not many crowds. I wanted to properly run the fun run but I end up walking most of the time just enjoying the scene and talking to people since it was supposed to be a networking event. Delegates from 142 countries were there but I only manage to make friends from Singapore, Hong Kong, Taiwan, India, Indonesia, Germany and New Zealand. It was quite hard to make ...

Pieces of My Shatterd Heart

I miss you, when you laugh, the twinkle in your eye, the shape of your silhouette against the moonlight, the way you concentrate when you drive, and tease me intentionally to make me smile I really miss you~~~~~ I like the time when we went out and it was raining you treated me like an ice cream afraid of me melting shunning me away from the water droplets falling and when I look up to see you I caught you smiling... Drowning in a pool of misery wondering how to change history to diminish my growing worry to seal you in my deepest memory Not having you means not having anything cause you are the one whom i can share everything its you i seek when the rays of dawn comes shinning don't you know that my heart is now shattering? When night comes the missing is unbearable cause its was always the time you are more available yet now even when the curtains of dusk falls I'm l...

拒绝

 今晚我好想和他玩游戏,可是没遇到他上线。 我知道可以微信叫他可是我比较喜欢随缘。 我一直想开局和他玩可是好友约了我所以这个月开局就是和我的朋友一起玩。 刚巧蓬松的龙下午也约我可是我下班后赶着去运动没时间和他玩。  我好像和我的坦克老师一起玩但是他只会叫我打友谊赛,今晚也一样他主动问我要不要1打1。 通常我是不会拒绝这样的邀请因为好想继续和老师学习,可是我觉得最近打了1打1还要被他说“险胜”,险胜个鬼。他根本把我打得很惨,他并没有险胜。我打不过他也一直让我感到少许的难过因为代表我还不能和他一起组。 我相信如果我有方法打败他,他一定会带我玩。  “好久不见” - 开始觉得一日如三秋的感觉。明天我们有缘一起打游戏吗?晚安