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What is Love?

Recently I heard a description of love which I could really identify with. It is about hearts and golden strings. I could not describe it further as I think the description is unique and belongs to the owner who had used his heart and mind to form the definition of Love. Besides, I want to keep it as an exclusive memory and not share it openly here. Reflecting on the definition, it is true that in this life many would not be able to find such Love. I often thought I found it, until reality hits and I am made to see that I did not experience such Love. 


It is hard to quantify love, however it is vital to find a life partner who makes you feel Loved and this is only possible if the giver understands the recipient's Love language. Having a mismatch in the love language would only translate to feelings of lack of Love. Reminds me of the mandarin song by Sam Lee where part of the lyrics goes by "What you desire, I could not give; What I could give, is not what you desire". Isn't it wonderful if we were taught how to find Love in a more rational or quantitative manner? I think there will be more successful relationships and people would make much conscious choices in choosing their partners. Then again, is Love suppose to be rational and conscious or is it an unexplainable feeling? 


I often thought I was satisfied with my Love life and I was very sure I thought things through carefully before I decided to tie the knot. I thought I was confident and know what I am doing and I felt pride in being loyal to my partner. My Love life could be described as peaceful and stable but all of this were recently challenged when I met someone who is a mirror of my personality. I'm not sure how did I build feelings for this person but he certainly made the invisible emptiness in my heart to surface and filled the void with his Love. I think it is terrifying to find out that there is a gap in my relationship and to have someone else other than my partner filling that gap made me feel conflicted. I often deem myself as a loyal and faithful person towards my partner but now I really doubt myself as my heart seems to be occupied by another person. I do not Love my partner less but I just felt more Loved by the new person. 


Critically reviewing my former relationship, there is definitely Love between me and my partner but it doesn't feel sufficient. I wanted my partner to look at me with admiration, to adore me by letting me know verbally, to treat me as someone so precious that he will never want to loose me. However, I couldn't feel these emotions most of the time. With my newfound Love, I feel all the emotions I wanted to feel and everything felt natural and comforting. There's not much resistance and stubbornness involved and although we planned to transition it just didn't feel right. The love is self willing and beautiful to the extent that I could no longer believe it is earthly but instead spiritual. Yes, a relationship with him will definitely be sustainable in the long run, I strongly believe so unless both of us change which is very unlikely given the similar personalities. 


I am not sure what was my karmic debt or what have I done in all my past lives to deserve meeting a person who mean so much to me yet we are two parallel lines that will never get to intersect. I know one of my weakness is having attachments and difficulties in letting go. Perhaps this is a spiritual test to see if I am able to set the one I Love free, if I am able to Love freely without possessing, if I could be selfless. 8 billion people in this world yet you really tug at my heart strings and left an everlasting impression. I wish someday we could both have the same dream and meet in our dreams to experience the physical presence of one another. I often wonder, will You still Love me in real life, will we still feel Loved the way we feel in our mental and emotional interactions? Maybe some questions are not meant to be answered and some truth are better left folded? I honestly do not know. 

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