Are you happy with where you are right now? Are you satisfied with the life that you are leading? I personally feel my life is quite okay 70% of the time but often after going home visiting my loved ones, I feel dissatisfied with my current life. I felt 70% satisfied because I am living the life I wanted a few years back. Since my ability to make conscious decisions at the age of 13, things have been going according to my plans. Despite a few hiccups such as odd intake dates and a plandemic causing some delay in my career progression, things always fall into place. Even if I did struggle a lot especially for exams (because I just hate exams to the core and I don’t think anyone loves exams), somehow there’s always divine intervention aiding me to sail through. Perhaps because I am doing my purpose in life so naturally things will work out for me. However I still wish to alter some parts of my life and I think if I am able to do these alterations, my life would be more meaningful.
I am really exhausted of the nomad life which have been going on since I am 13. Renting places to stay just does not feel the same as staying in a family home or a self purchased property. The place may be lovely, accessible to many amenities and at a reasonable distance to my work place but as long as it isn’t mine and do not contain any family members in it, I find it hard to call it home. I really envy people who gets to go home to their families daily and have their meals together. I think meal time with family is an important event. It is a moment where we get to exchange conversations with every presenting member at the dinning table. It is also a great opportunity to show affection and love with gestures such selecting the best portion of the dish to serve your loved ones or helping them to deshell crabs and prawns. I miss the days where my family would pick out the flesh from the fish for me just because I find removing fish bones to be rather tedious and I am plain lazy. The last I went home my brother took a glass of water for me and just by the look I gave him he immediately change the glass to my favourite glass. There are so many subtle things that my family does which made me feel loved and cared for. Don't get me started with the pets, they bring so much joy to my heart and knowing they have a relatively shorter life span compared to humans just sucks.
If I could find another career with a similar pay or better pay and at the same time be with my family, I will definitely leave my current job without any hesitation. I can’t see myself being a nomad in the next few years of my life and this is also the reason I may not further my studies anymore after I graduate from this current course. I’m not sure how fast can I make alterations to my life but I know for at least another year or so my focus is just to complete my current education. I am excited to think of all the possibilities and opportunities that awaits me and at the same time I wish for the day where I get to submit my resignation to come. I felt validated when a colleague told me that she cannot continue this current career for long as it lack standards and being a mother she need to set standards for her child. It is rather ironic that being in a white coat profession does not guarantee to having a life that is of quality. However I am not too sure if my definition of standards and her definition of standards are the same.
Just as I thought I found people with similar thoughts and was confident that this is not the long term life that I want, another colleague which I believe is an Angel (she does have angel in her name) challenge my thoughts. She told me she never see this profession as something so precious and important until her own loved one was ill. She made me felt my sincerity towards my work is inferior compared to hers and I could feel her new found inspiration to be contagious. She did not have a smooth sailing experience as compared to me, having to re-sit the same exams over and over again to the point where our senior-junior roles are now reversed but still she persevere. I do wonder if I were in her shoes, would I have given up and just assume the universe does not want me to be in this profession? I felt ashamed for having everything going my way yet I am still not satisfied. Then again, is it a lot to ask that I want to lead a life where I could be happy both in my career and family life?
I still believe with all my heart that if I could manifest the things I want in my life all these years then I should be able to manifest the life I want for the days to come. It is alright to not know the "how" according to the Law of Attraction as long as I am crystal clear of my wants. I need to keep reminding myself again and again as I found at times I seem to block myself from manifesting more. Having the faith of an innocent child is pertinent in the art of manifestation and we should all have more of such sturdy faith. Our days are definitely numbered and seeing a post stating mid thirties as "middle age" since the average life expectancy is approximately up to the seventies made me slightly sad. As much as I wonder what happens after my heart stops beating, I am not ready to leave earth yet. I just hope that I am in the right path and answering to my true purpose in this current life. As I close my eyes and ask myself if I am living my purpose, all I can see in my minds eye is a blank sheet - probably it is for me to fill up with whatever I want.
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