Jesus often use parables to teach his disciples and today I feel like I am learning some lesson through the story of the cherry tree. Well to begin with it is not exactly a cherry tree but the locals here call it our local cherry. Other places call it by many types of names such as the straberry tree, the jam tree, kerson fruit, Singapore cherry or Jamaican cherry. I think it is so yummy that people would like to associate the tree to their country, I would call it the Malaysia cherry (just kidding). To be specific it is called Muntingia Calabura and it is unique as the mungtingiaceae family itself has 3 genera and each genus only have one species. I am fascinated by the plant because it has edible fruits that comes in the size of a boba and has many tiny seeds inside with a sweet pulp. I have learned online that the plant itself has many medicinal properties, for example the fruit is believed to relieve headaches, lower blood sugar, anti-ulcer, helps in abdominal cramps and many more. One of the articles online listed 10 medicinal properties and it is backed with scientific evidence. More importantly it is not only the fruits that has medicinal properties, the leaves and flower are also used as traditional medicine. Prior knowing its benefits I have already love consuming the fruits as it is really yummy and brings back memories of my childhood where the sports complex I used to visit has a row of muntingia calabura and I would spend time looking for its fruits that feels like a treat whenever I found some.
Since I walk to work daily, I am observant of my surroundings and I try to get connected with whatever nature I see. I used to look forward to seeing the lost hen foraging for food on my way to work but somehow one night I found that the hen was dead. The cause of death could likely be due to a motor-vehicle accident or she probably was bitten by a cat (anyway do cats chase after chickens? I know dogs do). It made me feel a tinge of sadness that the hen whom I named "Pok-pok" is no longer there to bring joy in my journey to work. However other than Pok-pok, the wild passion fruits and muntingia calabura fruits also brings a lot of positive energy to me. I find it fascinating to look at a budding passion fruit flower and then seeing the intricate pattern of the flower when it blooms and by the time I return home from work, the flowers would have wilt and a small bulb is left which would later on become a fruit. It teaches me that the best things in life are always precious and time sensitive - you missed a moment, you will no longer get it back. The wild passion fruit also taught me patience, since I am very inclined to eat anything that looks edible, I decided to search if it is safe to consume the fruits I found as I have once eaten a fruit that is not meant to be eaten and had toxic potential. The wild passion fruit bears small cherry tomato sized fruits that are only safe to be consume when it has fully ripen, otherwise it is can cause cyanide poisoning due to the toxin - cyanogenic glycoside. Sometimes when I patiently wait for the fruit to ripen, other animals like birds or rats have consume it before I could enjoy the fruits but I don't mind as it is in the wild and meant to be shared with every living being.
If I have learn patience from the passion fruit, what did the local cherry tree taught me? Today as I walked to work I saw a few fruits and I decided to eat just one as I am in a hurry. I always have the habit of telling the tree that I am going to take its fruits and thank the tree for it's hard work of producing them. So I told the tree "hey thank you for this gift today, I am going to pluck on of your fruits but I will come back in the evening to eat the rest okay?" and I left with full of gratitude in my heart and sweetness on my taste buds. Somehow the land where the tree has been growing wildly have been cleared and I wonder who owns it and what do they plan to do and I had a sudden thought what if the person chop off my lovely cherry tree? I told myself I am thinking negatively again and push the thoughts away and head to work with a heart full of new hopes as it is the start of the day. It was a fruitful day at work and everything went on fine, even the 92 year old with the hip fracture was well throughout the surgery and the anesthetic part was smooth without any sequalae. I feel accomplished after completion of the case as it is considered a high risk case with multiple underlying comorbid. My work officially ended with a meeting to discuss on the upcoming anesthesia day celebration and it was an efficient meeting that was not draggy or pointless. So as I head home, I was feeling great until I saw my tree is gone.
The feeling of void and heartache struck me momentarily and I was thinking of the taste of the fruits and how much I was looking forward to enjoy the tree. I have never seen the fruits on sale and even if it is on sale it is not the same experience with the risk of commercialized fruits being heavily sprayed with chemical fertilizers and pesticides. I felt the feeling of lost again and it isn't a nice feeling. It is like the feelings that I wish to burry resurface back because it had similarities. First of all the tree doesnt belong to me, it was growing on someone's private land that looks abandoned. I have been enjoying the tree as if it was mine and the tree have selflessly provided for me. I think it was a mutual relationship but when it ended so abruptly without me being prepared, it felt like I am forced to let go of the bond I had with the tree. I am not given a choice or a time frame to register that the tree is going to go. Just like how I had form a relationship with someone who will never belong to me nor will I ever belong to him, yet we did enjoy each other's presence but somehow we can no longer have the interaction that we used to have. Many a times I have so much to say but I just know I should not as I am afraid I say things that are inappropriate. I know it is not wrong to miss a person but somehow it worries me if the line gets blurry again and besides the four face deity is going to question my prayer if my actions shows that I am trying to reconcile. I am aware that I can never get back the same cherry tree nor immerse in the same experience, the same goes for the relationship that I still treasure - it will remain as a memory and in my heart. If my partner had given me the autonomy to handle things on my own, would anything change? Would I have been more ready to part ways? I guess not, because if someone told me that they are going to chop the cherry tree, despite me harvesting all its fruits or leaves and trying to keep memories of it, I will still feel sad.
I stumbled on a very good Youtube video to explain my experiences in a logical manner and it was explained in a psychological point of view. I think it must be a video recommended to me based on the artificial intelligence algorithm that seems to come with gadget these days. I have deleted facebook app a few months back as I feel "seen" whenever it shows me advertisements of things that I speak about. However the Youtube video titled "不小心爱上两个人真么办！什么才是“真爱”？ 你会被劈腿的4原因！（心理学）“ is something I think I needed to watch. The second person definitely have filled a lot of the blank space that existed but other than bliss we have never really gone through hardship together. Our relationship was ideal from the interaction but it never get to experience the different weathers that a relationship needs to face in order to grow. Anyway, we are all growing and learning everyday, I will get over things just like all of us need to move on and live our best life. The time is ticking, our time on earth is really limited, let's not waste time and go and accomplish all that we want while we are still here.
Comments