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Heartfelt Goodbye

 I just returned from dinner from a place I never knew existed here. It has a nice ambiance, the food was good, and it served alcohol. I have made a pact with myself to not consume alcohol at the moment as I had alcoholic beverages almost daily since I got home in the form of cocktails and I think I had enough for the time being. Tonight's outing was to celebrate a friend's success in the completion of his studies and as a farewell before he leaves Malaysia for good on Monday. Despite knowing him for a year, I did not get to speak much with him since we are from different specialties. I almost forgot how we met but he reminded me before I said goodbye and if he did not mention it, I surely would have forgotten the experience. 

Before jumping into theories, I quickly searched for reasons why some people who we never knew in our lives feel familiar because this was what he told me and I hope I am not having a recall bias as I agreed that I had felt the same. He jogged back my memory to the time when we were at the operating theater and our eyes met and he had described it as a sense of "connection" and I described it as a sense of "familiarity". He still does not know why he felt so and neither did I. I asked for his birth date trying to look for any reasons to feel connected and the only similarity we had was being born in the same year.  It is rare to feel connected to a stranger but I am aware that it could be a random emotion and will only have a deeper meaning if we give meaning to it. For me, it could be his Chinese features that have triggered a sense of familiarity since the place I am now has very few Chinese people, and I am used to living in a Chinese community. I am not sure if I am trying to find a reason to rationalize things but this is the most logical reason I could think of. 

The most interesting part of the friendship was that we were never nosey about each other's private lives and it was only today that I actively asked if he was attached and learned that he is married and blessed with 2 children. He never asked about my marital status too but I informed him that I had visited my husband in Cameron Highlands during one of our conversations. Tonight was the 3rd time we ate our meals together. The first time was in the hospital where I went to his department to look for extra hospital food as I was hungry and there was no more on-call food in my department. I recalled introducing him to loquat and that was also the first time I saw him without a facemask. He is always polite and soft-spoken which made me reflect on my own demeanor, making me self-conscious if I am being professional enough.

The second time was after a jog where he can't catch up and we end up having dinner at a cafe. He offered to pay but I firmly said we should go Dutch so that there is next time. It was comfortable to have him around and I felt relaxed. Never knew that goodbye was so soon but I am glad he is moving on to the next stage of his career and could finally be home for good. As a nomad, I am joyous to know that someone else is ending their nomadic lifestyle. The last (somehow I doubt our paths will cross again) conversation tonight had a lot of value as I acquired new knowledge from him. He told me that babies can't speak but they could be taught sign language early and there are a lot of benefits from doing so. It will be the first language the baby learns, it will be much calmer as it can converse using sign language and it is easier for the parents once they can comprehend their baby's needs through sign language. I was amazed that his baby could indicate it needs feeding or potty. I told him I do not envision myself as a parent but what he shared was amazing! We also had an exchange of opinion regarding religion and how certain things are so contradictory and scientifically impossible. 

Since he is going back for good, he gave me all the tea and coffee beverages that he has yet to finish and I felt bad for forgetting to get him a graduation gift when I went home to Sabah the other day. No wonder I had a nagging feeling that I had unfinished business but could not remember what it was. I also almost forgot that I was supposed to meet him after coming back from Sabah. Luckily he dropped me a text and I invited him to dinner but left the selection of the dinner place to him. I am glad we met and somehow saying goodbye made me realize that I won't be able to see this person of value anymore and suddenly a pang of melancholy washed over me. 

"A season, a reason and a lifetime", whatever it may be, goodbyes are never easy. 

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