Skip to main content

Accusation

I wanted to let you see all my secrets and that was a huge mistake. I confronted you on all of my problems and worries, trusting you without any hint of doubt. The problem have always been me, and I know you are tired of this routine. Just last night, you told me "I don't know what to say if you are always like this". Perhaps the reason you have put up with me is because you just want to challenge yourself. You just love challenges don't you? I love it too.

Can I not be given a chance to change for the better? Don't you have any trust in what I say? Why must you deny my words and accuse me of being something I am trying to extract myself from? This is not the first time someone insist that I am "like that". I thought you were different. I thought you were my shelter, my friend...but you are just the same as everyone else. Thanks for hurting me again and bringing up a lot of my old wounded past.

Don't try to be nice to me. Don't try to act as if you care cause you don't. Why are you forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do? Don't lie to yourself, it's ridiculous. You really succeed in insulting me. I never knew you can be so cruel. All I wanted was to tell you how I feel and I meant well. I am happy for you that you found what you want but can you be fair to me?
You sound regretful for telling me about your new found happiness and I feel that in future you won't tell me anything anymore.

In fact, you hardly tell me anything. Perhaps you never trusted me and I never given any thought to it. I regret letting you see my feelings. I regret letting you to know me. I wish I can just format all of our memories. It doesn't mean a thing anymore after how you have treated me. I won't take the blame this time and I definitely will not apologize this time cause I am not at fault. I have analysed everything and I have all the right to feel the way I feel.

You no longer have a place in my mind. I will slowly banish you from my mind with every strength I have. I am unable to tear you away from my heart cause I must admit I still love you and this is so difficult but you certainly can never make me happy. fI can inally understand why many people feel cheated after making commitments in their relationship and only end up to find that the person they love actually is not the right one. We have no commitments and even from the beginning I never ever wanted you to know my feelings towards you cause I know that to let you know will just put me in a vulnerable position. If you never know, I will never feel hurt like I do now.

Once and for all, let me immerse myself in my own grief.

* well, what a pathetic tale to write. Drama Queen strikes again =="

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Singapore

Continuation from yesterday’s post.  I finally ate the ice cream which is sandwiched between two wafers that I saw before and it was yummy because there’s like a huge block of ice cream and the wafer was thin. I chose peppermint chocolate and raspberry swirl. It was really fun to eat that on the helical bridge that totally looks like a DNA strand. I really love this region and it was also the same place where the fun run was held. So I got to go across the helical bridge twice. I am also very happy to finally seen the Merlion and since it was early in the morning during the fun run, the place was rather quiet and there were not many crowds. I wanted to properly run the fun run but I end up walking most of the time just enjoying the scene and talking to people since it was supposed to be a networking event. Delegates from 142 countries were there but I only manage to make friends from Singapore, Hong Kong, Taiwan, India, Indonesia, Germany and New Zealand. It was quite hard to make ...

Pieces of My Shatterd Heart

I miss you, when you laugh, the twinkle in your eye, the shape of your silhouette against the moonlight, the way you concentrate when you drive, and tease me intentionally to make me smile I really miss you~~~~~ I like the time when we went out and it was raining you treated me like an ice cream afraid of me melting shunning me away from the water droplets falling and when I look up to see you I caught you smiling... Drowning in a pool of misery wondering how to change history to diminish my growing worry to seal you in my deepest memory Not having you means not having anything cause you are the one whom i can share everything its you i seek when the rays of dawn comes shinning don't you know that my heart is now shattering? When night comes the missing is unbearable cause its was always the time you are more available yet now even when the curtains of dusk falls I'm l...

Her Dream, His Dream

Once upon-a-time... ...and they lived happily ever after The End I bet most of the fairy tales we hear during our childhood years sounded very similar if not exactly as the statement above. I have always wanted my life to be similar to those story where there's magic, love, eternal happiness and most important of all my very own prince! Please note that prince here refers to life-partner and it does not equal to the average "boyfriend". It's not like I'm going to be seen with a wedding ring and a veil over my head very soon but I do admit, I would really love to get married with my prince as fast as possible so that I can reach the part of the story where " they live happily ever after". However, I learn that in reality, nothing can be as flawless as in the tales which have been the basic foundation of my life. If life has no flaws, earth would have been known as heaven. Even so, life is still beautiful and I learn that for a marriage to ...