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Accusation

I wanted to let you see all my secrets and that was a huge mistake. I confronted you on all of my problems and worries, trusting you without any hint of doubt. The problem have always been me, and I know you are tired of this routine. Just last night, you told me "I don't know what to say if you are always like this". Perhaps the reason you have put up with me is because you just want to challenge yourself. You just love challenges don't you? I love it too.

Can I not be given a chance to change for the better? Don't you have any trust in what I say? Why must you deny my words and accuse me of being something I am trying to extract myself from? This is not the first time someone insist that I am "like that". I thought you were different. I thought you were my shelter, my friend...but you are just the same as everyone else. Thanks for hurting me again and bringing up a lot of my old wounded past.

Don't try to be nice to me. Don't try to act as if you care cause you don't. Why are you forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do? Don't lie to yourself, it's ridiculous. You really succeed in insulting me. I never knew you can be so cruel. All I wanted was to tell you how I feel and I meant well. I am happy for you that you found what you want but can you be fair to me?
You sound regretful for telling me about your new found happiness and I feel that in future you won't tell me anything anymore.

In fact, you hardly tell me anything. Perhaps you never trusted me and I never given any thought to it. I regret letting you see my feelings. I regret letting you to know me. I wish I can just format all of our memories. It doesn't mean a thing anymore after how you have treated me. I won't take the blame this time and I definitely will not apologize this time cause I am not at fault. I have analysed everything and I have all the right to feel the way I feel.

You no longer have a place in my mind. I will slowly banish you from my mind with every strength I have. I am unable to tear you away from my heart cause I must admit I still love you and this is so difficult but you certainly can never make me happy. fI can inally understand why many people feel cheated after making commitments in their relationship and only end up to find that the person they love actually is not the right one. We have no commitments and even from the beginning I never ever wanted you to know my feelings towards you cause I know that to let you know will just put me in a vulnerable position. If you never know, I will never feel hurt like I do now.

Once and for all, let me immerse myself in my own grief.

* well, what a pathetic tale to write. Drama Queen strikes again =="

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