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Moving On

Today I think of you a lot. No, it was since yesterday that I kept thinking of you, wondering how are you going to celebrate your birthday. I thought I could catch you online on the gaming platform to wish you but I somehow just don’t bump into you as frequent as it was before. I think this must be my prayers manifesting where we would be strangers. It is so hard to ignore the fact that I have once known you and shared a lot of moments with you even if they were virtual. Yes indeed they were all virtual but the emotions invested were all real. Come to think of it, perhaps we have formed so much of good impressions of each other that maybe if we do actually meet, we probably would be disappointed as what we think may not be the same in real life interactions. 


I gather from your blog that you are very popular among the girls and you get a lot of “Love You’s” from them. I realised this for some time and I wonder is it because of your friendliness that made you well loved by everyone. At the same time I also felt that maybe you inadvertently flirt with girls without actually having any additional intention or you may not realise it. I just miss our first video call and I could listen to your stories about army and your country. I still haven’t finish reading the book you recommended me and every time I see the cover, it reminds me of you. I usually don’t take book recommendations so seriously but this was the very first time after a long time that I bought a book not related to my profession to read. I used to read a lot but somehow due to the hectic lifestyle all my readings were confined to the subject related to my career. It was refreshing to read something else and the short chapters suits my schedule. 


I think I am able to move on as I do not cry anymore when I think about us. About a lost friendship and also I started to let go all those non existent plans I had for us. One of it involves you visiting me in u country and I could take your to the farm, to unpolluted Sandy beaches, to go hiking and experience the beauty of the local cultural dance and food. You must think I fantasise too much and yeah now that I write it down, I do not know why I had so much of plans in my head. It is really hard to find a person you could talk to and be transparent without any reserve. We seems to be able to discuss about just anything under the sun, from trivial things to intimate secrets which I never felt offended about. My girl friend think some of the conversation is weird and my husband thinks you just don’t respect me but I just thought you were just letting me see into your unfiltered thoughts.


I am not sure how to reach you to wish you a happy birthday. I also gave up the idea of unblocking you on platforms which I have blocked you as I do not want to make you feel like the way I did before when I unblocked you once. Since it is not a good feeling, I shall stop doing that. Well, if you are reading this, a very happy birthday to you and may all your wishes come true! This may be the first and last wishes from me as we will definitely not keep in touch but for me I will remember you on this date every year. Have a blast! ^^

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