Sweetie's World

 我可以坏一点吗？ 可以为自己而活，不再做个乖乖女好吗？ 今天和同事聊天就说到同事一个人去旅行， 另一个还花了5万到了南极洲， 看了企鹅。 重点是她们都是单身女孩一个人去旅游。我好羡慕她们能自由选择自己要去的地方，毫无约束的去做想做的事。我就算一直和父母说想自己一个人玩，他们都不让我去。 这样的生活好累呀！  那天我误会了老师以为他不耐烦我每次在游戏里打招呼让他分心。 可能我很敏感，感觉他真的有点嫌我烦，也有可能我多想了。 反正我现在就是不敢和他打招呼了也感觉好像我们没有之前那么好， 才十天就感觉我们之间越来越疏远。 上一次我主动聊天是上个星期二，也感觉他没想和我聊就说了两句。在共同的游戏群里我们也没互动。 我想要维持的友情就这样渐渐疏远了吗？  另外我最近和我最欣赏的玩家玩，他真有想法也敢带着装备差的我打游戏。 只是有点后悔我不小心透露了心事给他听， 也说了好多不该说的话， 就聊天两次说了一大堆东西。 现在想把话收回来也收不回来了。 非常后悔。 我也被其中一个玩家在微信拉黑因为他的老婆不开心。 这个玩家是他加我微信而且我们除了游戏的事其他事都没说。 我也无所谓的因为我了解有些人就是没安全感。 这样的女生我也不是没见过， 以前失去知己也是因为他的另一半对我没安全感。 我也不想打扰别人的生活所以只要遇到这样的情况我都会马上断绝关系。 可能老师最近恋爱了，毕竟他是个单身的男子，又是个好人，一定有很多异性会喜欢上的。 好啦，他不想和我来往我也只好回到陌生人的位置。  晚安， 我不是个寂寞的人。 

 Tonight I managed to play a single game with the teacher! After trying to pair so many times, we only met once, unlike yesterday, when we met twice. Too bad it is so random! I keep waiting to see his display picture every time I wait patiently to be matched into the same game. Anyway, yesterday I only managed to help him win 1 out of the 2 games. Today I'm glad that despite only 1 game, I managed to help him win. He later told me that my act was so fake that his face turned red. I told him he must look cute with a red face and then explained that my hand slipped, and that is why I missed. I would have won the game if I killed him, but I chose to let him win since he is doing tasks.  I do feel happy that he actively said hi today and also bye in-game. I know it could also mean nothing but somehow I felt he was ignoring me when he never even bothered to say bye yesterday. I guess not everyone is meticulous and sensitive. My long-lost friend, however, is rather sensitive, but to...

 It is rather rare to get a phone call from my husband when I am at work. However I do Love getting phone calls from him as it makes me feel that I am on his mind and that is why he is calling me. Yesterday during my oncall he gave me a call just to ask my opinion on the type of color he should choose for our back door. I find it rather cute that he includes me in all these decisions despite me not staying with him. Furthermore that is his house although I often call it as our house, I do not have any legal share in owning the house. Today he gave me a call again to ask about the color I prefer as yesterday was mainly about the door varnish and the sales person recommends we give the door some painting before applying varnish.  We both agreed on the same varnish and as for the color we went for brown honey. I do look forward to see how our door looks. I do miss seeing the surroundings of the house with the CCTV but now since the CCTV is not working I feel so disconnected from ...

 I remembered I used to cry a lot about Icy, and I was very confused with my own actions and emotions. During that period, I needed someone to talk to, and I did not want to talk to anyone who knew me in real life so I just spoke to someone random in-game. He joined the clan and I used to want people to be active and donate clan points and make a lot of reminders for members to play world boss. It was also during that time that I cleared out some members to make way for new ones. I may have recall bias as I had a lot of sadness in me back then and when I am sad I cannot recall things properly. I just remember the guy was from Brazil and when he heard of my story he was mad at me as he said I was unfaithful to my husband and he left the clan and deleted me as friend. I was rather shocked with his response and at that time I was also sad as I realize no one will ever be compassionate enough to understand my feelings.  Anyway that was more than 1 year plus ago. I think I stopped ...

 我想人类是需要足够的睡眠， 过于操劳能让一个人所有的情绪给封闭起来，脑子里只想让自己“关机”。今天刚巧是个很忙的一天，忙得我真的没时间去思念任何人，也没时间胡思乱想。我记得我曾经说过为了避免自己难过，我若是隔天要离开情人/亲人，我刻意让自己睡眠不足。当我觉得我很困的时候，我就没机会伤心了，这个生活窍门我用了很多次也从未失败过。  我不能说我完全没有想他，因为今天工作所遇到的事我都很想和他分享。由于很忙这个想法只是瞬间经过我的大脑然后很快的又消失了。我可算是个认真的人，工作时我都不分心所以我真的想他了，要不然他是不会出现在我脑海里。其实我今天有和我老公说我想他了可是他没有回答我给他的简讯。1256，1637， 2327 这些是我发了简讯的时间可是一个答复都没有。想一想我真的是个孤单的人。虽然我很爱独处，但是我也喜欢有个和我三观一致的人和我分享生活。 我现在只希望今晚有机会睡觉因为昨晚我0200就醒来了。我没想他了，我只渴望睡觉。其实还有很多话想说但是我真的很困了。

我最近开始改一改生活方式了，早点睡早点起，然后做我想做的事。可是昨晚虽然早点睡还是半夜1时23分突然热醒。空调遥控器又被弟弟拿下楼，我也没办法起身到楼下领遥控器。上下楼梯感觉有点精神，我犯了个错就是刷手机。老师果然已经两天没有回复我的信息，可能他觉得没必要回复，或许他觉得我们不应该常常聊天。好吧，就是定时隔离也好。虽然我有好多事想和他聊。换个人来聊天吧，网上是有好多好多愿意和我聊天的人，我为何只想和老师聊呢？至少我对自己坦白，知道自己是喜欢和他聊天也因为被他敷衍而感到难受。 这些难受是自己找来的 - 好像是一个一直重复的环节。只要我不好好学习克制这些感受，那么这一堂课我就没得毕业。想毕业就好好管一管自己的心和思维。你又没见过他也不懂他长得如何，或许人家是个机器或外星人你都不知道。有时自己把心事写下来才能更清晰，才能以旁观者的身份去劝告自己，我其实是个聪明的人只是很少善用我的理智思维，常常败给原始感性的自己。  对了我把这次的标题设为“认知觉醒”是因为我读了这本书，作者是周岭。 这本书给了我很大的影响，我就是因为这本书才下定决心改掉迟睡的坏习惯因为作者说早睡早起能拥有更多的时间。时间是我一直都觉得不足的奢侈品，如果真的能多出一点时间我就可以把想看的书/电影/课本看完，我也可以运动或冥想。说到冥想，作者也有提起做冥想的好处，这稳固了我对冥想的信念。我是还没有完全看完这本书，大约读了3/4，有时还会重读几遍，因为有时我在车上听书偶尔会分心而没把终点记起来。 我还没研究要如何把手机连接车的音箱，我用了蓝牙只能接听电话可是电话播出来的声音是无法换去车的音箱。我相信用车的音箱听书可以更清楚因为我平时都没有戴耳机。  今天我放假，早上做了一点运动就是跟随着网上的越南妹一起跳体操，20分钟就暴汗了。我打算跳半个小时但弟弟说我们得出门送蛋糕所以我赶快洗澡准备出门，也因此只跳了21分钟。 把弟媳做的蛋糕送到顾客的家后我们去亚庇出名的叻沙店吃早餐。我就不提那一间了因为我觉得食物不是很好吃也不懂为什么游客那么喜欢到那儿吃。我也忘了和服务员说我的木苹果汁 （我是搜了这个名称，英文叫ambra fruit), 不要放糖。饮料真甜而且我怀疑只用了很少的果量，大部分是冰块和水 （我也忘了说我要去冰的）。没关系下一站就是吃甜品，我们吃了麻薯甜甜圈，吃了巧克力和开心果口味的。我喜欢开...