Sweetie's World

 每段感情不管是友情、爱情或亲情只要没有好好维护好是会变质的。他又接受我的好友邀请了，可是我那么卑微的举动和言语后，我不再对这份友谊有任何的期待。我是很期待长久的感情，就算常联络或失联一段时间，都还是互相保持感情里的热情。我想只有小学同学或大学好朋友能带来这种感觉，而网友不能。对，我就是要头脑清醒，要明白网友只是网友，都是虚拟世界。这个世界能随时消失。只要被对方拉黑了，所有的游戏互动和聊天的内容都没意义了。 我不服他还说是我说不让他找我玩游戏，也说他没有拉黑我，我想找他就群里喊一声。可是关键是我之前和他私聊，为什么不让我和他私聊了？还问我要聊什么。说明我们真不是朋友。反正我是最卑微的那个人。我也不喜欢这样的角色，身边都不缺人 —— 我想随时找人喝茶聊天都能因为认识了好多好多人。可是我不喜欢随意的和任何一个人聊天，我要的是一个有智慧的知己，可是知己不能上网找，只会让自己变得焦虑因为把自己私事透露给陌生人。说不好还有可能被陌生人勒索。 今天的减肥餐是一片面包、一粒鸡蛋、一块鸡胸肉、两勺蘑菇和豆腐、还有鸡汤。我有点困了，不懂是不是因为不够热量导致我这个时候就想睡觉了。好吧，把专注力转移到自己。你让我如此卑微，我是不会再对你不舍了。 至于老师，他很忙很忙可是我也觉得他没有想和我聊天，在群里能聊可是偏偏不找我聊天。好吧，我也不想和他聊了。等他生日那天，把翻译好的小王子给他了，那我的任务也算做完了。 觉觉了。晚安。

 我才认识“小三”不到两个月，但是当他今天拉黑我，我觉得如此的难过。他说没拉黑但是明明把我删掉了。就上个星期三打游戏时他对我不耐烦，我也有点不开心就和他说“拜拜，下次别约我玩游戏了”。然后我们没有说话，直到早上他说 “怎么没有和我说早上好 生气啦”。 我也没回应，我不是不想回应可是感觉他可以随心所欲说我，没有顾虑我的感受，所以想让他知道我真的不喜欢也不允许他可以乱乱和我说话。没想到这几天游戏里他不说话，群里我也没说话，他也说得少，然后今天他不在我游戏好友列表里。我感觉很慌，我讨厌失去的感觉。我是个执着的人，是个重感情的人。也因为如此我才很难受。 今天和王者说了我的感受他问我是不是M人，我听不懂，接着他说我是很喜欢SM的吗？我也不懂那是什么东西。他解释说喜欢被打、被骂、被侮辱的，就是喜欢疼痛的。我说我不是呀，他觉得小三都这样对待我，我也没做任何对不起小三的事那么我为什么不能有点志气呢？我觉得他说得对，可是心里依然难受。 金先生呢就劝了我以下几个句子：  “失之我幸，得之我命，难过是我执” 加上他拉黑我时，把我从游戏删掉时也不难受。 - “不是彼之悲也” “所以干嘛用别人的错误，来惩罚自己。” 到最后他说 “ 你的选择，在感情上继续前进，你的理性，在逻辑上不断完善，就好了” 我说我老公都笑我傻，他说： “哈哈，那是你善，但要给对的人，不是么？” 我哭了挺久，不是我想哭，是我控制不住眼泪一直掉下来。感觉真的很累。心，真的很累。我也很卑微的尝试再加他好友可是已经12个小时多了，他也没接受我的好友邀请。我太认真，太投入了。最糟的事是他惹了群里的一个人，然后刚巧是有权力把人从群里踢出去，他就因此被踢出群了。我有争取让他留下来，说要发红包我不能发那么我就送礼物。但是他还是被踢出去。真的无语。 我说他一直被踢可能会受伤，可能不再进群了。会长姐姐很潇洒的说“缘分到了自然就回来”。  我还没修炼好我的心态。 一直修不好的话怎么去下一个境界呢？  小三，谢谢你又来给我上人生的一堂课。再见了。

 I had to refer back to the deadlines I set on my blog because I don't remember them. I know I have a few responsibilities that I must fulfill within a stipulated time. I am rather happy to say that I have booked all our flight tickets for my graduation, and the only thing left is to book accommodation, which I think I will do by the end of the month, as there is no point in booking way too early. Besides I plan to book a place that have holiday vibes and am willing to pay a higher price as it is rather rare for me to want to go outdoors. Yup, I confirmed that I dislike going to events. Something I realized on last Friday when I had to attend some hospital family day event which I felt completely out of place. I do not wish to force myself to do things that I dislike but sometimes it is just so hard to "don't give damn".  What about the teaching session? well the deadline is tomorrow! I have prepared 25 single best questions with feedback upon answering correctly via ...

 I am not able to focus on my basic goals. I just want to be in a state of enjoyment all the time and it is getting to unhealthy levels. I managed to not play games for 24 hours, just 24 hours and when I started playing, I feel ecstatic. Is this addiction? Addiction is a brain disorder and it is defined as indulging oneself in the same activity even if it causes harm to oneself. I did achieve my goal to be promoted to legend 2 in the game but the amount of games I played last month was shocking, 600 plus games? Of course not all are score mode and some were duel battles that lasts around 2 minutes. Even so it is just unhealthy. There are a few things I need to do and complete within this month and perhaps stating it here will drive me to do them? 1. Graduation preparation: book flight tickets, hotel, plan my journey during graduation (zero motivation because I didn't want to spend money just for graduation but my parents insist I attend my graduation, I just  don't feel the ex...