He was wheeled into the operating theatre at 1108 and the screen shows he is at the holding bay. At around 1127 someone shout out his name from the operating theatre doors and I attended immediately. “Hi dr (my name) I’m dr “Sleep”, don’t worry he is ASA 1 and he will be fine”. I felt a great sense of relieve knowing who is the anaesthetist and all I could reply was “thank you, I’m so glad I get to meet the anaesthetist and I am just concerned about the post operative nausea and vomiting later on”. He reassured me that all will be well and told me the surgery will begin soon.
So I saw the screen says “operating theatre” at roughly 1130 and I was thinking that he probably will be under in 15 minutes and then the surgery will take about 1 hour to 2 hours as most and probably by 1400 he will be at the recovery bay. So I prayed and waited while updating family members and playing GBM to past time. I was so composed that I doubt I am still myself. I bought myself a cup of camomile tea and a slice of pizza for brunch and waited patiently. Until it was 1400 and I still noted the screen says “operating theatre” and I start to feel tinge of anxiety. My heart starts to sink as family members enquired if the surgery have concluded. I had to text my best friend who is also a physician in medicine and express my worries to her. She gave me words of reassurance and comfort and I told her if I still do not hear anything by 1500 I am going to ask for an update from the operating theatre staff. The screen now becomes my obsession as I repeatedly check on it almost every minute and at 1457 I saw that he is now at “recovery”. Gosh, I felt so relieved and I told my friend she is my lucky star! She celebrated my relief with me with some stickers and wished my partner to get well soon as I immediately send updates to all family members knowing that they must be also worried sick.
My heart really broke a little seeing the state of my partner as he emerge from the operating theatre. He was frowning in pain and was nauseated and I have never seen him looking so unwell. I recalled the last I saw him being sick was the time where he was down with chicken pox and I had to ask him to send me to the airport in Kuala Lumpur from Ipoh (I wondered why was I so inconsiderate or did he insist on sending me despite me telling him to rest? I really could not remember accurately). I reassured him that it is normal to feel terrible and we will request for more analgesia to counter the pain he is feeling. I felt quite exasperated that I can’t read his operative notes or anaesthesia notes. I really am not sure my rights as a person accompanying patient and whether I could ask for those details. At the same time I don’t want to appear to be asking too much questions as I am worried I might cause annoyance to the health care workers as I know their time is so precious.
We were not allowed to discharge home in view of the pain and post operative nausea and vomiting and the surgeon had to ask us a few times if he had gone for any massages as he found that there were a lot of adhesions thus causing the surgery to be more complicated than it was supposed to be. He definitely never gone for messages but have on multiple occasions tried to reduce the swelling himself and he had repeatedly complained of discomfort and pain but was held back by his career to seek treatment. I am so glad that he finally made time to go for surgery and the timing was perfect as I could be by his side. I would say this is one of those life events bringing us closer as he repeatedly told me he felt really lucky to have a wife. Actually I did not do much for him other than accompanying him and seeing to his needs but he said he would feel much worst without me and he cannot imagine pressing the bell all the time for assistance. I guess he also realised how difficult it is for me to spend the night at the hospital on a sleeping chair which is uncomfortable and there were no blankets for me as the nurse said “sold out” (I know they are out of blankets for that particular ward but if the nurse was kind enough she would have asked from another ward and saying “sold out” was pretty unprofessional in my opinion).
I slept about an hour and started to shiver with the air condition fixed at 24 degrees. I also regretted upgrading from a 4 bedded room to a 2 bedded room as the earlier room had provided me with blanket which I never get to use yet. I thought I had slept for a long time but it was only 0031 and I was contemplating should I go to the car and sleep but that would mean sleeping in a rather hot weather with potential mosquito bites if I wind down the screen a little. At last I decided to just cover myself with the silk shawl I brought with me which was a gift from my mother in law from her Turkey trip. However it still feels really cold and I woke up at 0145 and decided I’m going to wear my husband’s clothes on top of my clothes since his clothes is bigger. So I put on his pants and shirt and I thought I could stay warm but I still felt cold. In the end he noticed I couldn’t sleep and he move to a corner of his bed and ask me to hop on. I felt bad because I didn’t want to affect his sleep but it was really cold and he persuaded me and I agreed. I know the bed could take at least 150kg and both of us added up is less than that. So I hop on and shared his blanket and held his warm hands and was able to somehow sleep but I was conscious not to move or accidentally bump into his surgical site. I know it’s against rules to hop on to the patient’s bed but whatever, I just can’t sleep at the reclining chair without a blanket. I wonder if “lodging” will be charged and if it does I am definitely writing a piece of my mind regarding blankets being “sold out”.
Another disappointment was when we were informed that his surgery was not recorded and they failed to give us a recording of it. I am really not sure if this is really okay or should I just let it slip. I think since at the public sector we don’t routinely give patients a recording so I think there isn’t any harm done but still I’m disappointed. I think in the end of the day what is important is that he is fine and will heal quickly and smoothly. It is also the first time in my life taking an emergency leave since I didn’t expect him to stay an extra day at the hospital. I was contemplating so much whether to take leave or not but my parents had more sense and told me I should in fact take 2-3 days of emergency leave to care for him but instead I only took 1 day emergency leave seeing that he is doing well. Anyway I am saving up the leaves for future use where I could visit him for a longer stretch instead of just over the weekend which is often too short. Besides I pray that I will never need to take emergency leaves again because emergency leaves means something negative have happened.
I wished I could stay to care for him but I just can’t and the only thing I felt I could do was settling all the laundry and keeping the house clean before leaving him so that he don’t have to waste time and energy on those. I also keep highlighting to his worker to not let him lift anything heavy for the next 3 to 6 months. They seem to understand and assured me they will take good care of him. I wasn’t able to meal prep for him and the only healthy stuff I bought him was a 3 week supply of chicken essence. I felt myself getting a little bossy as I told him to report daily on what he is eating for his 3 meals and if he doesn’t eat properly it only means he is not taking my advices seriously and that is not an act of Love. Okay I dislike this sort of emotional blackmail thing where you say “if you don’t do so and so means you don’t love me” but I did rationalise with him that it is his responsibility to care for his body because his body belongs to me and the same goes for me (actually it is stated in the Bible too and I think it is wise to follow the old scriptures). Regardless what the scripture says anyone who doesn’t take good care of their body is just not worthy of my Love. I can’t help it, I do have prejudice towards people who smoke, binge drink, eat unhealthy diet and participate in any health destructive behaviour and it is sad in the end I have to still offer my best service to a majority of these type of people. Then again it is also thanks to these sort of people that gives the healthcare industry business.
It’s back to the grindstone after my visit to the most prosperous place in Malaysia (still can’t figure out how they come up with that rating) and I am already starting to feel the heat as I travel further away from my home. Perhaps someone should really offer a sacrifice to the Rain God and invite some rain. I definitely sleep better whenever I am back home maybe because it is my own place and being in the arms of the person who truly Loves me makes me feel safe and sound.
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