Disappeared

I wish there will be a day that I can free myself from the prison that I create. A prison where I am the only prisoner and my turbulent thoughts are my tormentors. There are times where I feel I have overcome a lot of emotions but then there is this sudden surges of heartache that comes uninvited. “Sudden misses” was what he used to say and I do not think it is healthy for me to miss someone who will never have anything to do with me for the rest of my life. Seeing the “deleted account” on discord was rather disheartening and it felt like the left over chats without his nick name becomes meaningless. Did he despise me so much? The way he treated me and the people who he ever cared for was so different. He held on to the memories he had with others but with me, it’s like I never existed. Well, these are all my side of the story and assumptions and whatever he did, is his right, for his own good. I guess the tactic of drowning myself in work doesn’t block out the things I want to block and maybe being too tired at the end of a long day gave me the opportunity to slip into the prison I mentioned earlier. 

What does it take to relive the past?

A place where happiness often lasts

As laughter echoes from dawn to dusk

And Sweet nothings were our daily task 

We parted in peace as it was amicable 

I know saying goodbye was foreseeable 

But Invested feelings are intractable 

And I wished you were still reachable 

Words you left behind stirs my emotions

As I hopelessly reminisce our interactions 

Ruthlessly tortured by my own deductions 

Was I ever amongst your treasured relations? 

I thought our connection would be a spiral 

Instead of a full stop without remedial

We promised to live to our fullest potential 

Sealing our fated encounter into a fable 

Everything happens for a reason right? Maybe the silver lining is that I am inspired to write poetry? Perhaps when we suffer heartbreak we get more creative and that would explain why Taylor Swift always go into a mode of “creation” after a breakup.

Okay, I’m just tired and maybe some of my neurotransmitters got exhausted. It is okay to feel some emotions sometimes as long as I am not consumed by those feelings.