Skip to main content

Silent Divorce

 Today I came across the term "silent divorce" and somehow I felt like it was describing my relationship. I understand distance prevents us from intimacy but when I tried to recall when the last time we were intimate, it was last year. July is around the corner, which means it's been more than half a year since we've had any pleasures of the flesh. I actually find it funny to describe it in that manner. Do I crave for intimacy? Sometimes I do, which makes me a normal human being. However I am a little bit conflicted myself as I do not actually enjoy the main course. It is still awkward and uncomfortable, and most of the time, I catch myself thinking, "Can this end soon?". There is definitely love and lots of care but we are just not compatible when it comes to intimacy, and neither of us has the time to improve this aspect of our marriage. 

Do I wonder what it is like to experience intimacy with another person? I do but it is morally and socially wrong. I think I had this thought when I recall my colleague telling me about her experience with different men, and I wondered is it better to have experience more than one person in this life? I gave a lot of thought about it and feel that I would still stick to having only 1 partner for the rest of my life because I do not want to share and exchange energies with different people which would result in a lot of emotional baggage. Come to think of it if I could find a way to pleasure myself without the need of a partner, then the transient sexual desire is fulfilled and I will not think about it anymore. It just need to be addressed in a manner that I feel most appropriate. 

Having said that, I do wish I could have a little bit more intimacy in my marriage. Probably not the actual full course as I know he is tired but perhaps some cuddling and kissing would be nice. I wish he could be more enthusiastic to do those acts of intimacy with me. I guess I am a little overthinking about this topic just because I read about such terminology out of the blue. Definitely overthinking. 

I really look forward to seeing him soon, 17 more days to be precise and I believe with him by my side I can have a rejuvenating sleep. Somehow I am always sleepy when I am with him, I guess it's because I could let my guard down and rest. That is the beauty and essence of our relationship. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Singapore

Continuation from yesterday’s post.  I finally ate the ice cream which is sandwiched between two wafers that I saw before and it was yummy because there’s like a huge block of ice cream and the wafer was thin. I chose peppermint chocolate and raspberry swirl. It was really fun to eat that on the helical bridge that totally looks like a DNA strand. I really love this region and it was also the same place where the fun run was held. So I got to go across the helical bridge twice. I am also very happy to finally seen the Merlion and since it was early in the morning during the fun run, the place was rather quiet and there were not many crowds. I wanted to properly run the fun run but I end up walking most of the time just enjoying the scene and talking to people since it was supposed to be a networking event. Delegates from 142 countries were there but I only manage to make friends from Singapore, Hong Kong, Taiwan, India, Indonesia, Germany and New Zealand. It was quite hard to make ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Out of the blue

 I remembered I used to cry a lot about Icy, and I was very confused with my own actions and emotions. During that period, I needed someone to talk to, and I did not want to talk to anyone who knew me in real life so I just spoke to someone random in-game. He joined the clan and I used to want people to be active and donate clan points and make a lot of reminders for members to play world boss. It was also during that time that I cleared out some members to make way for new ones. I may have recall bias as I had a lot of sadness in me back then and when I am sad I cannot recall things properly. I just remember the guy was from Brazil and when he heard of my story he was mad at me as he said I was unfaithful to my husband and he left the clan and deleted me as friend. I was rather shocked with his response and at that time I was also sad as I realize no one will ever be compassionate enough to understand my feelings.  Anyway that was more than 1 year plus ago. I think I stopped ...
Post a Comment
Read more

忙或困是最好的解药

 我想人类是需要足够的睡眠， 过于操劳能让一个人所有的情绪给封闭起来，脑子里只想让自己“关机”。今天刚巧是个很忙的一天，忙得我真的没时间去思念任何人，也没时间胡思乱想。我记得我曾经说过为了避免自己难过，我若是隔天要离开情人/亲人，我刻意让自己睡眠不足。当我觉得我很困的时候，我就没机会伤心了，这个生活窍门我用了很多次也从未失败过。  我不能说我完全没有想他，因为今天工作所遇到的事我都很想和他分享。由于很忙这个想法只是瞬间经过我的大脑然后很快的又消失了。我可算是个认真的人，工作时我都不分心所以我真的想他了，要不然他是不会出现在我脑海里。其实我今天有和我老公说我想他了可是他没有回答我给他的简讯。1256，1637， 2327 这些是我发了简讯的时间可是一个答复都没有。想一想我真的是个孤单的人。虽然我很爱独处，但是我也喜欢有个和我三观一致的人和我分享生活。 我现在只希望今晚有机会睡觉因为昨晚我0200就醒来了。我没想他了，我只渴望睡觉。其实还有很多话想说但是我真的很困了。
Post a Comment
Read more