Skip to main content

Confabulation

I will never alter narratives to fit my reality, nor will I lie to myself. However, the author David McRaney stated that "the big picture is a lie, nurtured by your constant and unconscious confabulation, adding up to a story of who you are, what have you done, and why." This sentence made me wonder if most parts of my memories are being altered.


I tried experimenting by recalling my memories with my partner and everything seems to tally very well. Events that took place 16 years ago, both of us remembered the fine and important details without correcting the other person. Probably because we often reminisce about the past and thus the story remains the same with no addition or subtraction to it. However, I did notice that I could not recall some of the missing pieces from the past and surprisingly he had trouble recalling too. I wonder why both of us could not remember how we got to Resorts World Sentosa to visit the underwater world and the water theme park. I realize there is a mode of transport using cable cars but I have no recollection of going on one. In the end, we concluded that we went there by bus and I had to Google to make sure there was a mode to travel to Resorts World Sentosa by bus. I wonder why those memories turned blurry.


I have been on the emotional roller coaster for the past year, and at one point I felt really sad that I felt it would be better if I forgot everything. I recall nights when I would fantasize about an "amnestic potion" just like in the movies where someone with a severely broken heart would take and forget about everything that caused the heartache. Then there were also times when I realized some of the memories seemed to feel so distant and I tried my very best to hold on to them. Having no traces of the past, I could only rely on my brain and heart to generate how I feel about the past. Gladly, instead of negative emotions, I feel gratitude, peace, and even love engulf me. I was feeling worried a few nights back when I suddenly woke up from a dream and in that dream, I had forgotten an important date. Was it 30 or was it 31? I was wondering if I was dreaming or consciously trying to recall or if my subconscious was at play. I persuaded and settled with 30 but now reading this book, I seem to doubt myself, am I creating new realities? 


Yawn* time for bed. I shall think about this further another day. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Singapore

Continuation from yesterday’s post.  I finally ate the ice cream which is sandwiched between two wafers that I saw before and it was yummy because there’s like a huge block of ice cream and the wafer was thin. I chose peppermint chocolate and raspberry swirl. It was really fun to eat that on the helical bridge that totally looks like a DNA strand. I really love this region and it was also the same place where the fun run was held. So I got to go across the helical bridge twice. I am also very happy to finally seen the Merlion and since it was early in the morning during the fun run, the place was rather quiet and there were not many crowds. I wanted to properly run the fun run but I end up walking most of the time just enjoying the scene and talking to people since it was supposed to be a networking event. Delegates from 142 countries were there but I only manage to make friends from Singapore, Hong Kong, Taiwan, India, Indonesia, Germany and New Zealand. It was quite hard to make ...

Pieces of My Shatterd Heart

I miss you, when you laugh, the twinkle in your eye, the shape of your silhouette against the moonlight, the way you concentrate when you drive, and tease me intentionally to make me smile I really miss you~~~~~ I like the time when we went out and it was raining you treated me like an ice cream afraid of me melting shunning me away from the water droplets falling and when I look up to see you I caught you smiling... Drowning in a pool of misery wondering how to change history to diminish my growing worry to seal you in my deepest memory Not having you means not having anything cause you are the one whom i can share everything its you i seek when the rays of dawn comes shinning don't you know that my heart is now shattering? When night comes the missing is unbearable cause its was always the time you are more available yet now even when the curtains of dusk falls I'm l...

拒绝

 今晚我好想和他玩游戏,可是没遇到他上线。 我知道可以微信叫他可是我比较喜欢随缘。 我一直想开局和他玩可是好友约了我所以这个月开局就是和我的朋友一起玩。 刚巧蓬松的龙下午也约我可是我下班后赶着去运动没时间和他玩。  我好像和我的坦克老师一起玩但是他只会叫我打友谊赛,今晚也一样他主动问我要不要1打1。 通常我是不会拒绝这样的邀请因为好想继续和老师学习,可是我觉得最近打了1打1还要被他说“险胜”,险胜个鬼。他根本把我打得很惨,他并没有险胜。我打不过他也一直让我感到少许的难过因为代表我还不能和他一起组。 我相信如果我有方法打败他,他一定会带我玩。  “好久不见” - 开始觉得一日如三秋的感觉。明天我们有缘一起打游戏吗?晚安