Skip to main content

我失败了

 恐惧是我最不会处理的感受，我不喜欢在大众面前说话可是我经常都控制好自己的情绪，不让别人发现我其实很害怕。 今天我做不到，也许是过度操劳或者是心态问题，我的手很明显的在抖。我是个敏感的人，今天的观众也不是很善良，感觉都在嘲笑我紧张的样子。 可能是我自己多想了，反正今天的经验我以后都不想再面对。 

宝宝去了老师的大树屋居住，也许也没信号，我给他的简讯都没通过。 我相信宝贝会懂得安慰我，因为我还是安慰不了自己。 刚才和上师描述我很难过差点哭了。就一直深呼吸把眼睛张大希望眼泪不要落下。 后来就赶快逃回酒店大哭了一场。以为哭了以后会感觉舒服点可是心情还是很低落。我为什么没控制思想、心态和情绪？ 我今天对我自己感到万分的失望，这真的是我吗？


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

我的救星

 感觉阿财短短的生命给了我好多教训，其中一个就是要珍惜身边所爱的事务。我一直以为她能活得比我久但是我错了。年轻并不代表能长命。我开始放下手机，开始多出门做点户外活动。也开始意识我上网所珍惜的网友并没当我一回事，是我自己觉得他们很重要。感情的投资我相信都是求回报的，因为单方面的投入只会消耗自己。我那天在大佬面前那么卑微，我也觉得很丢脸很不因该。我那时的想法就是不管我多卑微，我只想和他交朋友。可是后来他没有如朋友那样对待我， 他只想着自己的感受根本没考虑过我的感受。 阿财是我今世最乖巧的宠物，从来不给我添麻烦。可是我们不小心伤了她 - 那时她跑到我车底，爸爸努力把她拉出来，伤了她的脖， 我真的好难过。她病了两个星期才过世，这两个星期我们到底为了她做些什么呢？如果我早点给她取暖，早点给她抗生素，她还会活着吗？阿财死的样子就好像在沉睡，我摸摸她的头和鼻子，好想她给我一点反应。我还以为她在“冬眠” 试着摸摸她可爱的短腿，心里求着神明让她活着，可是也没反应。我还想着如果耶稣死了能复活，能不能让阿财也像耶稣一样复活呢？我真的不喜欢有关宗教的故事，都是骗人的。 我把支付宝里的小鸡取名为“阿财”，让阿财永远都在我记忆里。我也想，每天记得她但是我同时也放下让她去投胎。我发现我们一张合照都没有，但是没关系我还有她吃东西时的视频，她的眼睛充满灵性的看着我。想着她活着的那些时光都是美好的。因为她，我会更努力的珍惜一切，最需要珍惜的还是自己。 明年这个时候能不能亲自去体验桂花香？ 
Post a Comment
Read more

Out of the blue

 I remembered I used to cry a lot about Icy, and I was very confused with my own actions and emotions. During that period, I needed someone to talk to, and I did not want to talk to anyone who knew me in real life so I just spoke to someone random in-game. He joined the clan and I used to want people to be active and donate clan points and make a lot of reminders for members to play world boss. It was also during that time that I cleared out some members to make way for new ones. I may have recall bias as I had a lot of sadness in me back then and when I am sad I cannot recall things properly. I just remember the guy was from Brazil and when he heard of my story he was mad at me as he said I was unfaithful to my husband and he left the clan and deleted me as friend. I was rather shocked with his response and at that time I was also sad as I realize no one will ever be compassionate enough to understand my feelings.  Anyway that was more than 1 year plus ago. I think I stopped ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Her Dream, His Dream

Once upon-a-time... ...and they lived happily ever after The End I bet most of the fairy tales we hear during our childhood years sounded very similar if not exactly as the statement above. I have always wanted my life to be similar to those story where there's magic, love, eternal happiness and most important of all my very own prince! Please note that prince here refers to life-partner and it does not equal to the average "boyfriend". It's not like I'm going to be seen with a wedding ring and a veil over my head very soon but I do admit, I would really love to get married with my prince as fast as possible so that I can reach the part of the story where " they live happily ever after". However, I learn that in reality, nothing can be as flawless as in the tales which have been the basic foundation of my life. If life has no flaws, earth would have been known as heaven. Even so, life is still beautiful and I learn that for a marriage to ...
7 comments
Read more