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Libido

 I still feel rather odd why does my husband do not seem to want me in a sensual manner. We do live in harmony but there is a lack of intimacy. He says he is just very exhausted but I am exhausted too, yet I am willing to invest some extra energy for intimacy. I know he is a super visual animal like most if not all men and maybe it’s the weight gain that is a turn off for him. Well, if I am a guy, I definitely would like to sleep with the 10 years ago me than the current me. The 10 years ago me was a fit, 42-45kg young looking girl and the current me, well I don’t look older than my supposed age but I definitely don’t look young especially with the strands of white hair. I lost some of the elasticity of my skin and the chubbiness on my face that gave me the young look. My wrinkles are much deeper and I have crows feet at the corners of my eyes. Only 痒痒男 and another creepy guy seems to indicate I have a nice butt, although it is so wrong and perverted of them to even comment about my butt. My husband still feel it is not good enough and prefers it to be rounder or what is known as “bubble” butt. He also wishes I have nice biceps and firm abs which I don’t have right now nor did I have them then. 

I didn’t know about the debate between the sexes about getting loss in the jungle and choosing between a bear and a man. 痒痒男 was the one who explained to me about the whole situation and says that most men will prefer their woman to spend time with a man instead of a bear because the bear will eat her alive whereas the man could at least help hunt food and they can try to survive together. So, I asked my husband and he did say the same that if I were lost in a jungle then he would prefer I am with a man than a bear. I proceed to ask him what if the man wants to have sex with me? His answer was “well that is not for me to decide, it is for you to decide whether you want to consent or not”. Okay so in the end of the day, most men are rational and they pick the option that gives the best chance of survival. After all these conversation, I think if he were to get lost in the jungle, I would prefer he is with a woman too instead of a bear.

Sigh, I feel really “ugly” and I can’t wait to do something about it. Just that right now my energy is just not invested in self care and beautifying myself. It doesn’t help the fact that I am now on the day of ovulation based on the app I use. Previously I read that an ovulating woman will appear more “attractive” to men but I am glad to know there’s no strong evidence and in fact the evidence is conflicting. Maybe my husband falls into the other category who doesn’t find ovulating woman attractive. Okay, I am not going to overthink. Besides, it is true that we are much older now with lower libido and by not having sex I don’t have to worry about accidentally getting pregnant. Remember the condom is only 87% effective when used correctly between couples who have regular intercourse. 13% risk is just too risky for me. 

Okay, pass my exam, then beautify myself and seduce my husband later on. I still have a lifetime to seduce him. Good night. 

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