Today was a pleasant day at work as it started off with the mortality meeting being postponed. I usually do not fancy starting my day discussing about mortalities and I think it would be best to discuss it during midday or near the end of the day. The good thing about being in a learning environment is that superiors here are more professional and rarely blames anyone whenever an adverse event occurs but they ensure that it is being discussed within a short time frame from the incident to ensure everyone learns from it. However there will still be one or two superior who loves finding fault and adopt the blame culture. sometimes they do not intend to blame but their choice of words can be quite demotivating. Instead of saying "you should have" I think saying "in the event of such situation, the best action would be". It is the same message but it makes the person listening feel much better as the second sentence is neutral. Maybe I am too sensitive but I felt annoyed when I did not agree with a registrar's decision but I can't do much about it and when that decision was not very wise my superior told me that I should bypass my senior and discuss directly with the specialist instead. I don't think it is right to bypass my registrar as one of the "welcoming speech" by one of the superior was "this place is all about hierarchy, you need to discuss everything with the registrar and let the registrar speak to the specialist". I never enjoy having a hierarchy system and I think the better staffs in the medical field are those who do not practice hierarchy. I used to feel quite flustered with such situations but being in the field for 8 years (Gosh I didn't know I have been working for almost a decade!), I am rather immune to some of the atrocious behaviors' of these white coat professionals and just nod my head in a very Asian manner and say "yes boss" and have multiple up rolling of eyeball emoji in my head.
Actually I find the mind to be a very fun place because all our true self is hidden within our thoughts. My actions and my mind are usually in synchrony however whenever faced with situations like the above and I have to separate my actions from whatever that is going on in my head, I feel a sense of mischief and I will end up laughing internally. I think this is part of a survival mode because if I need to really give my two cents, I don't think the other party could withstand what is going to come out from my mouth. Most of the time I opt to keep quiet to avoid conflict and it is the wiser choice. One my my mentor told me that humans in general are conflict avoidant and I never really paid attention to the term "conflict avoidant" until today. I did some searching and it was quite interesting to know that there are reasons why people avoid conflict. Generally it is divided into 2, one is for self-preservation and the other is self-serving. After being able to differentiate the 2 entities, I know the reason why I had felt emotionally unsafe the other day when he broke the bad news. If a partner avoids conflict for self-serving purposes, they tend to say things like "I did not tell you because I do not want you to be worried" when they are exposed. This type of conflict avoidant pattern is not healthy and is destructive for the relationship.
Most of the time I am conflict avoidant due to self-preservation but I also find it to be dysfunctional. The article I read online said that if you have a partner that wants to be always right or thinks that they are always right and you know you can't change their perspectives, the next best thing to do is to set deal breakers. For example if the argument is about lack of communication and your partner denies it. Then probably you can set certain baselines like "I need one text from you at least daily". Okay now as I type this I wonder what if the partner breech the deal breaker? If you are not legally hitched you can always break up but what about people who are legally bound? Do I set a penalty? I really don't know but I think the next I meet my partner I am going to share with him regarding this conflict avoidant thing so that both of us can improve further and move to greater heights together. I have never set any deal breakers in my relationship but since I got married in less than a year I found 2 incidents where we cannot achieve an agreement or common ground and it makes me anxious. Then again, should couples need to have a common ground on all things? Sometimes it feels like I do not know the person I married especially whenever we argue because we hardly argue. I could use the amount of fingers from one hand to count the number of times we argued throughout the courtship of more than a decade. Perhaps the other times were just friendly debates and we often come to a conclusion in absolute harmony that I do not perceive it as arguing.
Oh, my thoughts seems to be running freely. I was saying that today was a wonderful day and I had enjoyed the breakfast at workplace. It was "chicken soto" (Soto ayam) a dish where there is vermicelli, soup, chicken, potatoes and condiments like lime juice, chives, beansprout, chili, soy sauce. I love this dish whenever it is served as a buffet style where you can simply take the amount of each separate food you want and mix them up and pour in the soup to make something that is unique to your own taste buds. The drink served today was also much better than the regular black coffee which I do not take. Today it is thick and delicious milk tea! (makes me think of my twin flame who frequently drinks milk tea) I was so happy with the food that I told the department's administrative staff that I am so satisfied with the food and I give 99 marks for the milk tea. She ask me why 99%? I said because 100% is for the fruit cocktail drink that she made once in June this year and that made her smile. After a very smooth and quiet day at work, my friend took me to the nicest mall in town to shop for some plant based milk and I was so lucky as the milk I love called "Oatside", the original flavor left only 3 cartons and I took them all. There was chocolate and chocolate hazelnut flavors apart from the original flavor but when it comes to most food I love the original ones as I am afraid the flavored ones have more chemicals. I also found another oat milk called "Oatly" and the packaging was interesting so I decided to give it a try and bought one.
I think the "Oatside" carton design was quite funky as the cartoons on the carton were rather "ugly" but "ugly" in a good way, in a way you would remember and think it is cute. Whereas the carton design for "Oatly" was rather wordy but the words were eye catching and fun to read. I was reading the entire carton and thinks that whoever designed it must be someone creative with a carefree soul. I was going through the ingredients for the new found milk and realize it has a few vitamin Bs in it whereas the previous milk did not have any vitamin Bs. in terms of calories they differ and one major difference was one uses canola oil while the other uses rapeseed oil. So, I wanted to find what was the difference between these two and I felt like I was being pranked when I Googled and it says that "they are both technically the same product" and one is American and the other is European. I am glad that I read further because technically same doesn't means same and canola is actually a genetically modified version of rapeseed. This was to remove 2 unwanted properties of rapeseed which is glucosinolates and erucic acid. Erucic acid is said to be toxic and canola only contains less than 2% of it. Also, out of Canada and United states, many tends to mislabel between the two. So right now I am really not sure which is in the milk I bought and if it is wise for me to continue consuming them. I will need to do further research on plant based milk in order to get answers.
I know there is this comment feature on my blog but it didn't send me notifications when someone commented. I just read a comment that was written a few weeks back. It feels like the communication never ended. I'm not sure if you still read what I write but I bought a new shampoo today and I was in a rush and didn't check for rosemary but you are absolutely right, it does aid in hair growth and has many other wonders one of it is for memory and mental alertness. It is also a symbol of friendship, loyalty and remembrance. For a bride wearing a rosemary, it represents Love and fidelity - so many beautiful symbol for a herb. Cheers to growing more hair!
I apologize if my title is misleading, it is the peak of the Hungry Ghost Festival (中元节/盂兰盆）
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