My partner often tells me he loves himself more than he loves me but his actions say otherwise. He is indeed not a man of words and is unable to use words to make me feel loved. In fact most of the time I felt a slight annoyance that he just didn't say the right things at the right time and I would often snap at him. I think he have every right to be mad at me for snapping at him but instead, he would apologize and ask me what would I want him to do. I do not want to end up being the stereotypical wife featured on a lot of social media from China where the husband is practically a hand-pecked husband and the wife is so controlling and authoritative. I do reflect whenever I snap at him and feel extremely horrible about it. I think between the two of us my Emotional Quotient (EQ) is extremely low when compared to his and I wouldn't boast that my Intelligent Quotient (IQ) is higher because he seems to be able to learn things quite quickly and ask me relevant questions whenever I share about the work that I do. Sometimes I am stumped by his questions and had to recheck my facts to explain to him.
Recently I have been spending a great deal of time in my workplace and tonight I am camping at my workplace as the air-conditioning is just too lovely and since it is on 24/7 I might as well not waste resources. Besides I learned that being in a cold environment is good for the brain and the brain may function better. Since I need my brain to be tip-top this year I will do all the relevant things to protect it, looking into areas such as nutrition, environment, mental health and fitness. It is a little tiring to explain to people when they see me being in the department all the time but I think as time goes, I will have less to explain as by then people should know I came back for the air-conditioning. Oh I am sidetracked with what I intended to share. Spending more time at work means I contact my loved ones lesser via video calls because it is not as convenient to have a video call amid the student lounge. So I was rather surprised that my husband video-called me despite my telling him I am in the study area. I had to walk all the way out of the area to pick the call and felt the flow of my study is being interrupted. However, what he did next made me teary.
I have a tradition of giving him handwritten cards for his birthday yearly and last year I seemed to fail to do so despite it being his first Birthday to have a wife to celebrate with. I kept telling myself that I could always pass him the card at a later date but somehow it never happened due to various factors and one of them was because I couldn't find a nice card. I had one ready but after learning about Feng Shui and colors I realized that card wasn't the card he needed. The shops here are lousy and do not sell the type of cards I like - a.e.i.o.u studio. Somehow that brand of card has always been my favorite and it never disappoints me. Even Hallmark cards are not comparable to a.e.i.o.u studio in my opinion. My husband was never mad at me for not giving him his card and joked with me that on his next birthday, he would receive 2 cards which I strongly disagreed with, and had told him that before 2023 ended he would get his card. I was wrong again and now it is 2024 and I still owe him his birthday card. I do feel uneasy about this and knowing how important it is for me he actually went to hunt for his own birthday card and video-called me to ask me to pick the one I think is suitable for him. He also showed me a handful of stationaries he selected for me to boost my mood for studying.
Now, how can I not love a person who is this selfless and sweet-natured? I felt rather touched that he figured out a way to make my wishes come true by getting the card himself since he knows I couldn't find a good one at the place I am living and I have no transport. I argued that the element of surprise is gone since he had seen the card but he reassured me that he was looking forward to reading what I was going to write. I just felt teary to know that he could be so selfless and I believe he often put myself before him even though he never said so. His being practical and straightforward just told me that "actions speak louder than words, I hope you can feel my care and love through my actions". This is true but the problem with most women is we often fall for sweet nothings which ends up in some of us making bad choices in life.
1 John 3:18 =)
Comments